I am Death
by My Deliah
Summary: The entity we refer to as Death is merely a guide to the other side. With time she had become curious on what Life is, and why people seem to treasure it. She has chosen John as her tutor, but things get complicated when his feelings for her deepen.
1. I must know

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Marvel characters.**

**Setting: **Charles Xavier's school for the gifted _(post X-2)_

**Main Character: **Grim reaper_(aka:Rose) _& John Allerdyce _(aka: Pyro)_

**Rating: **Currently: T _(for language)_

**Spoilers: **Major spoilers for X-3 and some for the other two films

**Summary: **The grim reaper is bored, and decides to discover what 'life' really is. She has chosen Pyro to be the one to teach her this secret of 'life', but she never imagined what would happen if he got more than 'friendly' feelings for her.

**_I am Death_**

_**-----**_

Chapter 1: I must know 

I have seen so much, and as it seems, I have seen too much to bear. So much have been lost, so many lives ruined, illusions scattered and souls have been wasted. And for it all, I have been the one to blame.

The only time you get to meet me is when I have come to fetch you, when your time is up. Our meeting will always be a 'hello' and a 'farewell' at the same time. The only light you will se on our walk will be the one at the other side.

But whilst you will enter the divine, in peace or strife, I must remain here. I am caught, imprisoned by the chains forged from my treachery, an eternity ago.

Those who say that God is forgiveness are fools. God does not forgive, nor does he forget. Though forever has come and passed, he still remembers my mistake.

So do not ever forget that you pay for all that you give, and all you that receive. In the end, I will come for you too, and you will walk the path before you, with me as your only companion. And when you stand before the light, all your debts will be countered for, and you shall be judged. Whether your verdict is guilty or innocent, you will pay for your deeds, whilst I will remain here. Doomed to wander the shadows, I will pay off my dept.

With time, I have grown weary. Countless of times, my victims have stated:

"I want to live." and with time, I must admit that I have become rather interested in this thing, life.

I am tired of faces with no significance, tired of hearing names that means nothing to me.

Be no fool, the grim reaper has no death list. I follow no patterns, and I serve no fate. I am naught but a conscience, shattered into a million pieces, like a broken mirror. I reflect only what stands in front of me, and I know nothing except what I learn from the fools I am about to banish.

I am nothing.

Maybe it was that thought, or maybe the feeling of emptiness that drove me to wonder what life would be like. What if I could know the one I was supposed to fetch, what if I could learn what this miracle was? What if I could find the answer to why the humans treasured 'life' so much?

At first, the thought was naught but a thought. A faint ghost that roamed the empty halls of my torn conscious. But with time, the though evolved, expanded until it ravaged my mind like a plague. The word resounding inside my head was "_Life… life…life…"_ And like a savage beast, it drove me to the brink of madness and back again.

And then I decided. No more faceless people, no more empty names and useless facts. I would select one person, whose path I've been following for a short time. From this person, I would learn what it was, life. And then they, and their precious 'life' would haunt me no more.

I thought, that when I had been torn apart, divided by the hand of God to do the job only a condemned creature would be able to, I had felt the greatest pain there ever was.

When I was trying to collect the pieces of my broken mind however, I was proved wrong. That was the greatest pain there ever was.

But like the insane man, I was driven by a desire to great for me to ignore, and I overcame the pain once more.

My mind was made up, and when all the strings that attached me to the millions of people waiting to die were cut, I found myself whole again, victorious.

I assure you all, that the first time you gain physical form is a very traumatic one. Laying down on something soft, without knowing where I was, I opened my eyes for the first time.

But shut them again quick as hell. Something, bright shining had dazzled me. Cursing God and his fondness of spectacular light effects, I peered out through almost closed eyelids. What I now saw was almost overwhelming.

Bright colors, smells and various sounds seemed to attack me at full speed, all at the same time, leaving me twitching in nameless pain. I opened my mouth and drew my first, aching breath. A burning sensation stung in my throat, and I coughed.

I had always known what my first word would be:

"_Freedom!" _called out with a mighty voice. But when I opened my mouth to exclaim the fact, I realized it would not be so. I found myself incapable of doing anything else than scream. All my anguish, all the pain I had gathered throughout the years became obvious as I opened my mouth. I yelled, shrieked and howled until I could scream no more. The place held inside me for such things were once again empty. I was ready, somehow completed.

So instead of stating the fact that I was free from my grim fate for the first time, I decided to say something else, something with significance. Stuttering at first, but then with growing confidence in my voice I said:

"I… s-shall walk. on m-my own legs, for the… first time!" And with that said I began the struggle to stand on never before used muscles and bones, only to find that having a body was not such a small thing as I thought it would be.

Slowly, I spread my fingers, and was amazed by how slender, but yet strong my hands were. I moved my arms, stunned by the strength I felt in them. Full of doubt, I put my palms against the soft _(grass?)_ ground, tensed my muscles and tried to heave myself up. I came as far as standing on all four, and felt I had plenty of strength left, but as I tried to stand up, something I hadn't counted on intervened. It was gravity, and a slight lack of balance.

I came up on one knee, and then I stood up on my own legs. A victorious smile graced my lips as I turned my head upwards, only to find myself dazzled once again. The bright shining sun had stung my eyes once more, and I now came to the conclusion that maybe you weren't supposed to look straight at it. The smirk on my face became broader _(is this happiness?)_ as I imagined myself walking, running.

So I lifted one foot to take my first step, to feel the sensation of the wind blowing through my hair as I ran. Sadly enough, I hadn't counted in gravity to strike, and I fell flat on my face.

"Damn it!" I cursed and began the motion to get up again. Once standing up again, lifted one foot, but more carefully this time.

Three wobbling steps later, and I had gotten some sort of idea of how this was done. Running would come eventually, and I decided not to push it.

But now that I was here, real and all with a body of my own, I would have to have a name, an identity.

These things mattered not to me, but other humans would get suspicious if I told them whom I was… or were not. A name? It had to be a good one, not to ordinary, but not to sensational, maybe… Rose, _(a flower?) _yes that was it. Rose I would be!

Now I had to find the human I had chosen. A man, young, blinded by malice and driven by the burning desire to be seen, heard.

Though he no longer dwelled at the destination I had chosen, and though he'd strayed aside from the path I was about to stride, I knew he would return in a short matter of time.

----

So this was it, this huge mansion was my destination. This was the place I would address as my _home_. Hm, a home, for the grim reaper, what an amusingly disturbing thought.

I rose one of my brand new hands, and closed it into a fist, and knocked at the door three times, one for each smile since I'd been reborn.

At first, nothing seemed to happen, and then I could hear rushed footsteps from inside. The door swung open and someone appeared before me. This someone didn't look human at all, though I could smell scent that he was very human.

He was tall and crouched, with a massive body covered in blue fur, a very strange human indeed. The _(beast) _man held out one massive hand, and instinctively I grabbed and shook it.

"Welcome to Xavier's school for the gifted, my name is Hank McCoy." He smiled welcoming and I could sense true warmth in him. It was strange to meet someone who would actually greet me, and the realization that he only did so because he did not know what I was, somehow left me with a strange feeling… could it be grieve? But I put on a smile and greeted him back, using my new identity as cover.

"Greetings Beast, my name is Rose, and the tide has led me to this place." The huge man flinched and I could instantly smell something new in him. It was confusion, and reservation.

"How do you know what my name is?" The warmth in his eyes had disappeared, and been replaced by suspicion. I realized my mistake. Since I am the reaper, also this mans fate is connected to me, and therefore I knew his name instinctively.

I also realized that he looked at me with suspicion because I could very well turn out to be an impostor. I decided that some acting would be in order.

"Oh my God, I can't believe I called you that. Forgive me Mr. McCoy, in my confusion I must have expressed my first impression of your appearance aloud." I blushed and looked down at my feet, changing my posture so I seemed to be ashamed.

"Oh, don't worry dear girl, a common mistake." The man now said, and though he was lying, the warmth had returned to his voice. "Actually, I'm called Beast around here." He added, and I knew that it was true.

Since I didn't know what to answer, and he didn't seem to come up with something comforting to say either, there was an awkward moment. I realized that this blue, furry man was staring at me, as if spellbound. His eyes gazed into mine, and to my great astonishment, I could smell a fascination in him.

Then he flinched and seemed to come back to his senses.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Let me show you in." He stepped aside and gestured to me that I should enter the house. So I did as expected.

We stood inside a huge hallway. Wooden floors and beautiful walls made it a spectacular room. The air was thick with scents, human and inhuman. I could tell that many lived here, and there was something else, something that separated them from simple humans. I could smell power in the air. _(Mutants)_ Was that it? Were all here mutants?

"Well, while we wait for Xavier to come down, what is your power?" asked Beast.

For one moment I felt something rise within, a paralyzing feeling, panic. But then, when I searched for something within me, I discovered I were a mutant after all.

"I take away their pain, and make them whole again. I am a healer." I said, and knew that it was true. After all, it was somewhat like what I've been doing since the beginning. Maybe that was why I'd become a mutant, 'cause it lay in my nature.

He seemed satisfied with the answer and asked no more.

Moments later, a man in a wheelchair and a white haired woman came walking towards us through the hall. _(Charles Xavier and Ororo Munroe) _I smiled at them, but felt the grim falter as the man tried to enter my mind. It was not as if he was trying to break in, but merely as if he wanted to get a hint on who I am. But even that could be dangerous, so I had to shut him out. Some things are better left unknown.

"Ah professor, Ororo, this is Rose. She is a healer and has come to seek shelter here." Beast told Xavier and Ororo. _(Storm) _

"Welcome Rose, I assure you that we are all happy to see you here. This school is a sanctuary to all mutants, and I hope you will feel at home here." Xavier said. I knew that he was being honest, and I smiled to him. This was a good man, I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes.

"Thank you professor Xavier."

"Storm here will show you up to your room, and you will receive you schedule."

Ororo gestured for me to follow her, and so I did. It seemed as if I were about to attend school during my time here. Well, maybe it would teach me something about life. Now I only would have to wait for _Him_. The man who would teach me and quiet my inner thoughts, and when I was done here, I would take him to the other side.

After all, that is what I do. I take them as they are, silence all their fears and anguish.

I am death 

_----_

**Please review! **


	2. Solitude

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Marvel Comics characters, but I do own Rose and the plot.**

**A/n: This is my own interpretation of the characters, and how I think they would react to certain situations. **

_**I am death**_

_**-----**_

_Chapter 2: Solitude_

_-----_

The grim reaper, what a cruel name they have given me. It makes what I do sound like something horrible, something worth fearing. But they never seem to remember that they condemned themselves to the crossfire, I am merely a spectator. My one and only rule has always been: "Do not interfere with the business of mankind." and I have never done any attempts to meddle with people's lives.

It isn't fare that they blame me for their final verdict, if anything I am the one who's innocent. They all seem to forget that I do not hurt them; they have already done that to themselves.

I come to the ones in pain, and I take it away, banish their suffering and dry their tears. I quench the dehydrated mans thirst, I allay the starving mans hunger.

I bring comfort to the broken man, silence his mourning, and heal all his injuries. For me you are all equal, no matter what your deeds might have been, it all fades away as we walk through the darkness. I do not judge, I merely listen to whatever you have to say. With me by his side, even the crippled man is able to walk. With me, there is no pain, no remorse, no fear or grieve. There is only you and I.

I never wished to hurt anyone, and I never did… right? If I were not there to cut their lifelines, someone else would be. If I had spared everyone except for the old, they would soon condemn us for abandoning them. The man with cancer would live his whole life in pain; the soldier caught in barbed wire would suffer as if he were in the crossfire, unable to die, unable to be relieved from his agony. People would turn their back at God, and curse him, because what God leaves his children to suffer?

They just didn't see all I did for them.

These were the thoughts that resounded inside my head as I sat on the bed in what had become _my _room. The decoration went with the one in the rest of the mansion, wooden floor, old wallpapers and a magnificent bed. It was a… beautiful room. I found that I enjoyed just looking at it, in all its splendour.

Storm had stayed to make sure I settled down, and then she had gone, and left me to my solitude.

I had carefully searched trough the room, eager to ensure myself that I would never forget how it looked. I was determined to make sure that I would always remember everything about this room, the smell, the light and the shadows. As eternity passed by, this would be the one memory I had to comfort me, like a souvenir taken from the short time I was real.

-----

The first time I heard anyone here talk about my instructor to be, was when I wandered through an empty corridor, trying to find my way to a certain classroom. Three days had gone by, and I was actually beginning to like this place a bit. I had just come to the conclusion that I was lost when the scent of three mutants came drifting towards me, and then I heard someone say His name. At that moment, all thoughts of finding my way to class disappeared, scattered like sand in the wind.

I quickly rounded the corner, and found three young mutants standing in a group. Their eyes turned to me. At first, no one of them moved, and I could almost swear that time had stopped there for a second. They stared at me, hypnotized and awestruck. But then, jus like Beast had done, they flinched and returned to their senses. One of the two girls _(Rogue) _gave me a timid smile, and then raised one hand and waved.

"Hi there, you must be new here?" I just nodded agreeing. After all, that is exactly what I am here, new… brand new.

"I'm Marie, but everyone calls me Rogue." She told me, and then reached out her hand. I realized that it was my turn to perform the ritual, and so I said:

"Hi you guys. I'm Rose, and I just arrived here some days ago." I grabbed her hand and shook it twice, firmly, but not aggressive.

"Welcome here then Rose, These are my two friends Bobby, _(Iceman)_ and Kitty _(Shadowcat)_." I bent my head down in a quick movement as a sign of respect. Now that we were through that, it was time for business.

"Whom were you lot talking abut earlier?" I asked, careful not to sound eager, just slightly curious. By the mention of Him, Bobby frowned and Rogue threw a quick glance at Kitty.

"Oh, n-no one. It was nothing important." Kitty stuttered.

Hm, okay so they didn't want to tell me. This was not a problem, just a sign telling me that I had to play my cards right. The fact that I was about to manipulate them into telling me what I needed to know, play the game after my rules, left me with a slight feeling of, well… guilt. _(What is happening to me?)_

"Oh, okay then. Hey, come to think of it. I have this old acquaintance, not a close friend, just someone I met some time ago. He told me he was a mutant also, and I must admit that I had some hopes of finding him here." The tension in the air was gone in a second. Rogue smiled again as she eagerly replied:

"Well it is very possible that he is here. This school is one of the few sanctuaries in this country. We even have mutants coming here from all over the world." She told me, her eyes sparkling. I found her beautiful in a way. Her soft and timid gaze and the two white streaks in her hair reminded me of innocence and purity. But even though she might be soft as silk, I still could se a warrior in her eyes.

"Oh really, sweet. He told me his name was John Allerdyce, but that he preferred to be called Pyro." I said, waiting for the reaction. It was almost immediate, and strong.

Both girls flushed, and Bobby frowned in an angry sort of way.

"What?" I loathed myself for playing dumb, but I had no other choice. This was how it had to be done, I could see the path leading to my instructor very clearly, and trust me; this was how it had to be done. With a grim look on his face, Bobby said:

"He's a traitor. He left us to join Magneto." Now it was my turn to frown, what did they mean? Who was Magneto? I'd known he weren't here at the moment, but this?

Kitty looked at me, and seemed to notice that I was lost.

"Magneto is a very powerful mutant. He has formed a force with other mutants who believe that the only way us mutants can live in peace, is if all the others are, well, terminated." I nodded, suddenly understanding why my instructors' time was growing short. It was dangerous business he meddled with. What really concerned me was the possibility that he might die before I got my answer. I realized that I would have to sort this out. I had to get him back here, out of danger until I knew the secret. What is life, what is it?!

"I'm sorry, but he is out of our reach now." Kitty told me, and… was that pity in her eyes. I knew that my chocked expression was obvious, but to find that a human, a simple human pitied me was, traumatic somehow.

"But if he changed his mind, what if he realized his mistake and wished to return? Would he be forgiven for his madness?" I asked. I had to get him back her, just had to! His fate was tied to mine, so when he died, my body would stop to exist. I would become a bodiless conscious again. I could not let that happen.

They smiled, all three of them. Their smiles were somehow horrifying, 'cause they held no joy whatsoever.

"Of course. Xavier is willing to forgive anyone who seeks redemption here. He would be welcomed back, but that won't happen. I am very sorry…" Rogue stated in a small voice.

I let my gaze wander around the room, creating a disoriented appearance.

"Well, at least that is a comforting thought." I replied, and then excused myself.

Now, I would go to class, and after that I had to come up with a plan to retrieve John Allerdyce to the 'good' side.

-----

Back in my room that afternoon, my question to why everyone stared at me was answered.

I came in through the door, and dumped my schoolbooks at the huge bed. And then I went inside the bathroom, in hope to find some paper or so to wrap around my bleeding index finger. I had cut it on one of the pages in the book during last class of the day. It was a shallow cut, but it bled a bit, so I wanted something to wrap around it.

After I'd searched through the bathroom cupboard without finding any paper, I shut it with an aggravated gesture. This was quite frustrating. And then I happened to look in the mirror on the cupboards door, in front of me. Now I understood their staring gazes a bit more.

I was beautiful in a grim, but frail looking way. I had light porcelain skin, rounded red lips, a thin straight nose and big burning eyes. My gaze had the colour of amber, and the burning lustre inside it must be the thing all the fuss was about. I could understand why everyone seemed to be spellbound as they met my eyes, 'cause even I myself felt like hypnotized. Was this how I would have looked if I had been human?

All these 'what if' questions that had begun to pop up inside my head were quite disturbing. Being death was much easier if you didn't question, didn't wonder or reflected.

Some sort of feeling suddenly rose within me, and it was not a nice one. Disgust, I felt disgusted about myself as I stared into my flaming gaze. What am I? I had always thought of what I did as a salvation, but was it really? Maybe I came as a salvation for the ones in pain, for the one who had lost their desire to live, but what about the happily married man with wife and children? The man who were run down by a school bus on his way to work?

I shook my head, and turned away from the mirror. Wondering about this would not help anyone. I am what I am, and nothing will change that.

-----

It was time to bring John back. It was an ugly trick I was about to play on him, but I had no choice. I had decided that the only way I could reach through to him, without leaving this mansion, was to enter him mind. So I lay down on the big bed, closed my eyes, and left my body behind as my conscious wandered of. It was time to play with fire.

-----

Somewhere, in a darkened camp, inside a small white tent, laid John Allerdyce. He was asleep, and had been so for some hours. In fact, there was a mutant outside the tent, sitting by the fire, which were supposed to wake him up within half an hour. The mutant by the steadily burning fire had no idea though, that John Allerdyce would not remain sleeping in his tent for much longer.

Inside the tent, the young man began to move on his small mattress. He frowned, and grunted silently. Something had disturbed him this night, and it was not the cracking sounds from the fire, and not the sound of the still wind that blew. It was something else, something far more ominous.

Suddenly, the young mutant opened his eyes. His gaze was wild and tainted with fear, and something else… remorse? He lay still for a moment, and then he jumped up and got dressed. The he froze for a second, looking slightly confused, as if he didn't understand what drove him to do this. Then, quick and silent as a shadow, he snuck out of the tent, and disappeared into the darkness.

St. John Allerdyce had begun the journey home.

-----

**I just want to thank those who have bothered to post a review for me. It is nice to know that someone likes my story.**

**To all of you who read this second chapter, and have not yet posted a review, please do so. Even if you hate the story, or if you have some thoughts or questions, just post them OK?**

**To quote another lovely writer in here**

"**Reviews are love!"**


	3. the Mistake I made

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Marvel Comics characters.**

**_I am Death_**

_Chapter 3: The mistake I made_

-----

I found Rogue outside my room this morning. She seemed happy today, and greeted me with one of her timid smiles.

"Good morning Rose, I saw that you and I are in the same class this morning, and I thought we could walk together to it?" Her eyes shifted and I understood that she was nervous. We were a lot different the two of us, but I were still glad for the company, so I nodded.

"Okay, just give me a moment to get my books."

Classes were a bit difficult for me; because I only know what the people I've brought to the other side has told me. I have limited knowledge in most fields, and a lot of my information was totally wrong. So for the most part, I just sat in the back of the classroom, silent and without attracting any attention.

First class today were held by Xavier. I hadn't had any lessons with him yet, and therefore I did not know what to expect. But it went fine, he didn't ask me anything I could not answer, and by the end I felt like I could relax. Rogue sat in the bench at my left, whispering with Bobby under her breath. They were making some sort of plans, probably about how they would spend their afternoon. I didn't really care much. I already knew how I would spend mine, alone. I thought being human would be a lot different from being a reaper, but I was wrong.

I flinched at the realization that Rogue had just asked me something. I blinked foolishly and turned my eyes to her.

"You may excuse me, I wasn't listening to you." One corner of her mouth twitched a bit, as if she found my choice of words amusing. I still weren't that good with words, and everyone thought it was pretty much fun, except for me of course. I wanted to blend in, not stand out because I talked strange. I would have to work on that.

"I asked if you would like to go ice-skating with us after school's done for today."

Ice-skating, what is that? I've heard a lot of strange things from the people I've brought to the other side, but I could not recall a single one who had told me about ice-skating. Therefore, my first reaction was to refuse her offer, but then I thought of all the hours I would have to spend alone if I did so.

"Um, okay. I've never gone ice-skating before, but I guess it could be fun." And why wouldn't it? My time here as a real person were limited, so why not trying something new while I was here, right?

-----

After an hour and a half on ice, everyone agreed on the point that I was a horrible skater. I was feeling a bit on edge, what a stupid way of spending your time, sliding over ice. I am the reaper for God's sake, not a simple human. But I did not show my aggravation to them, because bearing the title 'Death' I am not supposed to judge anyone. If this was what they called fun, then it was their gain, or loss.

We walked together up the path leading back to the school when it struck me how strange this was. I had come here, in a brand new body, to solve the riddle 'life', and now I was walking here. Suddenly I felt impatient. He, my tutor, had still not showed up and I was wasting time here. Thousands of people waited to die, to be released, and I were stuck here with the same questions, if not more than when I first arrived.

But he was coming; I felt it in the air.

I split up from Bobby and Rogue as we reached the mansion. I felt like I needed to be alone with my feelings. Though feeling was not such a new thing for me, I had never felt something else than boredom and curiosity before, and I found all these new feelings kind of hard to sort out.

Every time I happened to catch my own reflection in a window, or something else, I just felt like throwing up. It was as if I couldn't stand to look at myself, stare into those burning eyes who had seem so much, but still knew nothing at all. All the souls I had taken seemed to stare back at me, and I couldn't stand it. What was happening to me, and why? I thought this would make my existence much easier, but instead I found myself pondering around things that were totally inappropriate. If 'It', the highest power knew about this, what would happen to me then?

You see using the term God, as I have done this far is not quite correct. Just like me, the highest power is an all-knowing conscious. To believe that there is a man, sitting bend over the universe, poking his fingers into the doings of this world is a quite naïve, and very common apprehension among mankind.

I was created by the highest power. Since I was never born, I had no such thing as a childhood, I just didn't exist, and then I did exist. It is hard for me to explain what I am, since I'm not to sure about that anymore myself. Everything out here was so big, and so difficult. I felt like I had lived in a box in eternity, where everything had only one answer. Maybe that was how my existence had been?

I had sunk so deep into my own thoughts; I didn't notice the man sitting in a wheelchair twenty feet down the corridor. I didn't even see him until I almost bumped right into him.

"Oh, professor, I didn't notice you were here!" I said, startled.

"No, I could not help to notice that. You know that if there is something that is bothering you, my door is always open." Xavier told me, his gaze piercing me. This time he did no attempts to read my mind however. I realized why everyone felt so safe here. Professor Xavier was an honest man, who always remembered to use his power with respect. And with a sting of shame, I realized that I looked forward to the day I would come to get him. What amazing things he would be able to share with me as we walked towards the light.

He seemed to understand that I had not intentions to answer him.

"Would you mind walking with me for a while Rose?" He asked me. I felt tempted to say 'no', but then I felt the curiosity tingle in the back of my mind, so instead I said:

"Not at all, I would love to." Love? It took me a moment to understand what I had just said. I had heard some souls speaking of the word 'love' during our first and final walk together, and to me, the word was nothing more than the opposite of 'hate'. But those I'd heard talking about it had described love as something wonderful.

Now I had just stated that I would 'love' to walk with the professor, and hear what he had to say. Did that mean anything, or was it just a phrase people used?

The professor gestured for me to follow him, and so we walked down the corridor in silence. I felt he had some questions he wanted to ask me, but waited for the right moment to ask them. Therefore, I kept my mouth shut and took the time to appreciate what a beautiful house this was.

We came to a halt in front of an elevator. I silently wondered where we were heading, but didn't want to ask. After all, I would find it out soon enough. We stepped inside the elevator and the professor pressed a button. Down we went, until the display told me we had reached the underground level, and then the doors slid open. In my mind I was amazed, was there another part of this place, hidden beneath the surface of the earth?

We stepped out into a long corridor that split in four. I looked in all directions, but saw naught but more hallways. The whole place seemed to be made of some sort of metal… aluminum maybe? And all the doors I caught a glimpse of wore huge X-markings. This was some kind of secret base, I realized. Suddenly, I couldn't hold back my questions anymore.

"Professor, correct me if I'm wrong, but I get a feeling that the school is more like a cover to make sure you can hide this place." Xavier looked at me, and I could see a warm smile in his eyes.

"Yes, this is why I founded the school. Most teachers, and a group of the older students here are members of the X-men. I formed them so I could meet the growing threat from Magneto."

"What is Magneto's special power?" I asked with pure curiosity.

"Eric can control metal. He is driven by the ghosts of his past, and unfortunately for us, he is also very powerful. His talents in persuasion is extensive, which only makes him more dangerous."

"And that's the reason why Pyro left?" Xavier flinched and met my gaze. I could see pure fascination in his eyes.

"You know much Rose, suspiciously much. Yes, Magneto has the ability to tell you exactly what you need to hear, and that is how he lured Pyro to join his cause." The professor said, with streaks of bitterness permeating his voice. I got a sudden feeling that the professor felt guilty for losing Him to the dark side. Did he care so much for all of them, like the phrase 'All for one, one for all'?

"Does every loss plague you like this?"

He looked surprised, like he would have expected almost everything, except that question. He peered at me, as if looking for something in my eyes. Was he looking for a sparkle that would unveil me as a perpetrator?

"If I answer your question Rose, will you grant me a question in return?"

"Yes, of course, and I swear to answer as truthfully as I can." What would his question be? Could he sense that there was something with me that was not quite right, or had he seen the millions of forsaken souls reflect throughout my eyes?

"Loss is always hard to deal with, but the toughest losses are those that could have been prevented. I saw the warning signs posted around John Allerdyce, but in my foolishness I chose to look the other way, telling myself he would find the right path himself. Therefore, the weight of his soul rests upon me, and me alone." I actually felt sorry for the elder man, not because I were expected to, but because the melancholy I saw reflecting through his eyes were genuinely real. I knew that every word he'd uttered came from the heart. But I could also sense that he told me nothing more than he had to, and really who could blame him? He was right, I knew much about _people, _maybe a bit too much.

"Then I understand, you feel guilt for not trying harder to save him from the fate you could divine coming… But know also this professor. Every man is responsible for the decisions he makes, right or wrong. All we can do sometimes is to forgive those who seek redemption for their mistake." I paused as we came to a halt. The fascination in his eyes was now a bit more obvious than before.

"You answered my question truthfully, and now it is my turn. Ask whatever you wish." I continued.

He was silent for a few seconds, deeply sunken into his own thoughts, and out of respect, I did not attempt to find out what he was thinking about. Finally, he made up his mind

"What are your powers, _really_?"

The question surprised me a bit. It was nothing like I had expected to be asked. He was a very perceptive man, Charles Xavier, and he seemed to have the strangle quality to ask the questions that would provide him with as much information as possible.

"I have many powers professor. Before I came here, I would have said that healing was what I did, but now… I am not so sure anymore."

"Well then Rose I want you to know that I understand and respect that you can tell me naught more than this. However, I have another question." He began moving again, and I followed close behind. We were heading towards one of the X-marked doors, and I had a feeling that the room behind it was our destination, and had been so from the beginning of our stroll. He correctly interpreted my silence as an approval.

"How can it be so, that you have such exceeding knowledge about people, but yet you seem to know almost nothing about the world and its doings?" I sighed heavily. Though I really wanted to answer his question, I knew I could not. Even if he would believe me, the highest power would not look upon me with mild eyes if it came to its knowledge that I told the secrets of the divine to mortals.

"If you are not yearning for filthy lies, then this is one of the things I cannot tell you, even if I would want to. I am sorry…" And I really was, sorry for everything.

We stepped through the doors and into a square, bone white room. It had a strange looking metal table in the center, and beside the table stood some sort of machine. The word 'scanner' resounded inside my mind, but I still knew that it was not quite right, but close.

"I beg you not to feel guilty. Whatever your reasons are, I can never force you into telling me anything Rose. If I would ever do that, I would have forsaken all my beliefs at once."

Then he gestured towards the metal table.

"This is were we analyze mutants to get a clearer picture of the extent of their powers."

I looked at it, and understood what he was referring to.

"You want to make an analyze of me?" I asked him. Though he showed no sign of approval, I knew I'd been right. As I searched for a reason to deny being analyzed, I found myself out of excuses. With a small sigh I asked:

"What should I do then?"

"Just lie down, and let me attach these two sensors to your forehead."

I lied down at the table, and the professor told me that this would feel a lot like sleeping. But as he turned on the device, I felt my conscious leave my body, which appeared to be sleeping. I watched the professor look at the screen that was plugged into the analyze-device. I could se myself on the screen, but then the picture changed. Row after row filled with text blinked on the screen. As I watched the professor read what it said, I saw his face expression change from confounded into surprised, fascinated and then finally, he looked awestruck.

Finally he whispered:

"Yes Rose, you are remarkable in all the word's meaning."

-----

**A/N: **

**(To quote the fantastic writer **_0Eyes-Wide-Shut0_)

**Don't forget that reviews are love!!**


	4. the Width of your power

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, except Rose.**

**_I am Death_**

_Chapter 4: the width of your power_

-----

As I met Storm in the corridor outside my room the following morning, I realized that the professor must have told the other teachers about what he'd found out during the analyse. And why wouldn't he, I had told him that he was free to tell anyone, except me myself. I did not wish to know what those text rows had said. It was not in my place.

It was quite obvious however that Ms Munroe knew. She looked at me in such strange way as she greeted me this morning. Some part of me actually became a bit afraid. Why did she look at me with such awe, as if I were some entity from outer space? _(Another expression the human race had come up with)_

"Good morning ms… um, Rose." She changed her mind in the middle of the sentence, as she remembered she did not know my last name. Not so strange, considering I had no last name. Maybe I should come up with one just so people wouldn't get suspicious.

"Good morning Ms Munroe." I had to restrain myself from calling her 'Storm'. To me, that was her real name, but here at the school it was part of the tradition to call teachers by their last name. Do not ask me why, 'cause I really have no idea.

"Would you mind coming with me down to the underground level?" Storm asked. I stared at her, feeling a bit dumb. Didn't she know that I had class to attend?

"But, Ms Munroe… I have class, I mean math, or something." She however didn't seem to take that all too seriously. She just waved one hand in the air and then said:

"Oh don't worry, the professor has granted you permission to come with me, even though it means you'll miss the first class of the day."

And so I followed with her. To my great perplexity, she did not head for the same place the professor and I had gone yesterday. No, she went in a totally different direction, and I could only conclude that there was more than one way to get down to the X-base.

It became clear to me that I had been right as an elevator came into view as we rounded a corner and into another hallway. We stepped in and headed down. The silence between us bothered me a bit to be honest. I felt like I needed to ask her what this was about. Had I done, or said something wrong? Did they know that I was not human? That last thought made the panic stir inside my mind, brush against it, like a cat demanding attention. Then the elevator stopped moving, and the doors opened. In silence, Storm stepped out with me close behind. We turned left and headed down a corridor. I didn't think it was the same one as yesterday, that one should be somewhere to the east. No this one lead to some new, unknown destiny. I could only hope that this was some standard thing, or something.

We halted in front of another X-marked door, and Storm turned to me for the first time since we stepped outside the elevator.

"I were instructed to follow you here. The professor is waiting inside that room, and he wishes to speak with you." She said, and the turned around and walked back down the corridor. But instead of going straight ahead, back the same way we came, she rounded the corner to the left and disappeared out of sight. I swallowed hard, and braced myself for whatever was to come. Then I walked closer to the door and watched it open for me to enter.

The room was very big, with all sorts of stuff inside. In the middle of the room sat the professor in his chair, waiting for me. As I drew near with caution, I realized his eyes were as gentle as ever, and felt that I could relax, finally. I threw a glance to my right, and saw a huge mirror on the wall. Staring back at me was my own reflection. I suddenly got the feeling that Xavier and me were not alone, but decided not to ask.

"Rose, welcome. As I might have forgotten to tell you at your arrival, this school is also a place to learn how to control your powers. My intention today is to better help you understand the width of you own powers. But remember this, you are always free to go if you don't wish to proceed any further."

Silently I wondered what he meant with 'learning you to understand the width of your own powers'.

"But how will you do that professor?" He smiled at my question and gestured for me to come a bit closer. I took two steps further and then I froze again. Xavier seemed pleased with the distance, and he said:

"Rose, do you see the chair by the wall to your right?" I nodded. "Bring it here," he said.

I lifted one foot to obey him, but he stopped me.

"No Rose, I want you to do it from where you are now." I was confused.

"How can I do that professor?"

"Just imagine yourself calling it to you. Create a course of events where you see the chair coming to you inside your mind."

Convinced that nothing would happen, I concentrated on the chair. Inside my head, I could see it move towards me, and suddenly, I felt warmth flowing through my veins. It felt like my blood was on fire, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, no it felt rather good. By the wall, I could see the chair begin to shake. I was awestruck, was it I who did this? I concentrated harder, and suddenly I didn't just imagine it coming to me, because the chair actually came sliding over the floor and stopped behind me. I sat down, and then I noticed that the professor was looking at me, smiling again.

"Now Rose, I want you to tell me what I'm thinking of."

Now this was something I could do to some extent. I didn't actually read minds, but I could usually sense what another person was thinking about. I concentrated on the professors' mind, trying to see what went on in there. A huge barrier met me; he was shielding himself from my encroachment. Trying harder to focus I felt some tension build up inside me. A high murmuring rose and faded inside my mind in waves. And then, again I felt the fire flow through my blood. A roaring storm had woken inside me, every inch of my body were pure heat. The power was so destructive and massive, I felt like being torn apart. Then, with a cracking sound, like a stone giant falling, the professors' barrier broke and his memories, thoughts and feeling flooded into me. In my eager to obey him, I had gone too far. The things flooding into me from him were too much, I felt like being ripped apart by two souls sharing one body. Everything had turned to pure emotion, every thought resounding inside me so high I left as if my ears were bleeding. I felt like imploding, expanding until I could not take any more pressure. Just as the light began to fade away from my sight, I felt the professor struggle to withdraw from my conscious, and then all faded to black.

I awoke again, with no idea of how long I had been gone. I was lying on the cold floor, and I could see the professor stare down at me. His expression was worried, but he seemed relieved by the fact that I was awake again.

"Rose, are you feeling okay?" I nodded

"Y-yes, I think so." I got up from the floor, but had to sit down on that chair. Everything swayed; I had never felt this tired before.

"I overdid it, didn't I?" I asked in a small voice.

"Yes, and it was my fault. I should have warned you to be more careful." Xavier answered. He looked very concerned, and I got the feeling there was something about this he didn't tell me.

"Sorry I intruded so much. It felt like all came upon me at once," I paused "Professor, you and Eric, Magneto, you used to be friends, didn't you?" Again, I could trace sadness in his features. Suddenly the professor looked as if he'd aged ten years in a second.

"Yes, we were friends. But Eric could not let go of his hatred, and so he chose to walk a different path."

-----

The professor decided I'd had enough for today, and let me off. As I walked past the big mirror on the wall, it suddenly struck me what it was for. The feeling of not being alone, the presence I felt. There were others sitting on the other side of that mirror, watching me. I stopped, with my back to the professor.

"Why are Storm, Scott and Jean hiding on the other side of the mirror, couldn't they have been here in the room with us?"

Without waiting for an answer, I left. Walked through the corridor, and into the elevator. It was time for me to return to school, something I solemnly looked forward to. Anything that could distract me from my guilt were a good thing.

-----

The professor sat motionless inside the empty room. Within a minute or so, the three other mutants joined him. They all looked strangely pale in the light swirling down from the ceiling.

"She knew we were there." Jean exclaimed with a doubtful expression, as if she couldn't believe what she was saying.

"Yes, she knew. I also believe that she has even more powers waiting to be discovered than the ones she displayed here today." The professor replied. He seemed strangely calm, as if what he'd seen were nothing more than he'd expected.

"But can she be trusted?" Storm had a grave look in her face.

"Yes, I believe we can."

The three X-men glanced at one another. However, no one said anything. The professor knew best, after all. If he thought she could be trusted, then she probably could.

-----

**A/N: I promise that Pyro will be in the next chapter, have no doubts about that.**

**Don't forget, reviews are love!**


	5. Return of the lost boy

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story except for Rose, her, I do own.**

**_I am Death_**

_Chapter 5: Return of the lost boy_

-----

After the final class for the day, I decided to go out. It was a beautiful day with the snow-covered ground glistering under a faint sun. The cold was not freezing, but rather pleasant as I walked on a path leading towards the park. As the fountain came into sight, I realized there was someone there. I felt a presence tingling in my nerve-ends. Cursing over my own curiosity, I drew closer to find out who it might be.

A young man half by half sat on the margin of the fountain. His clothes were shabby and dirty. He was very thin, as if he hadn't had a decent meal in some weeks. Over all, there was something about him that looked very haggard.

At the sounds of my approaching footsteps, he lifted his head. Our eyes met, and I felt myself flinch, and then I froze. His eyes burned like those ones of dying man, plagued with fever. I felt as if lightening had struck me, and then I realized whom he was.

"Pyro?"

He frowned, and drew the thin jacket closer around his shivering body.

"How do you know my name?" His voice was cold and reserved, but his eyes seemed to clear a bit by the sound of me calling him by his _real _name. The lustre in them became a little less dim.

I realized that I almost stood hidden behind a hedge, and so I stepped out to make sure he could see me.

"I am Rose."

I could see awe emerge in his features, but it soon disappeared again. He jerked his head and frowned.

"Yea, yea, but how do you know _my _name?" I felt a smug plaster itself on my face.

"I've heard of you, John Allerdyce, the lost boy." He sniggered at the sound of me calling him a 'lost boy'. Every inch of his body, and his posture expressed deprecation. There was such a bitterness tainted across his features, as if he'd faced a long and hard winter.

"So that is what they call me… Can't believe that I came back to this damned place. They probably don't even want me here anymore." He muttered, more to himself than to me.

It struck me how different he looked and seemed to be, from what I had imagined. At the mention of he being a traitor, I'd expected someone a lot more… malevolent. I could see nothing in this young man that displayed any sign of, evil.

"You are wrong John, the professor will welcome you back."

"Oh, and why would you think that exactly?" His voice was low and hostile, as if he wanted to make the question sound like a threat. Though his spiky attitude did not frighten me, I felt a bit sad about how utterly miserable he appeared to be.

"Because this place is a safe haven for _everyone_, no matter what our deeds might have been." He seemed to be taken aback by my reply. He flushed, as if he was reflecting over what I had just told him. Then he smirked, and I got a feeling that I needed to scream. I had never seen so much, and yet so little glister in two eyes before. It was frightening to witness, much more frightening than his I-don't-give-a-sht-attitude.

"Hn, whatever, I still can't believed I was stupid enough to come back."

This time, it was my turn to smirk.

"You don't know, or you don't want to know?" He threw an angry glance at me, but didn't reply. He was no longer just shivering; he was shaking throughout his whole body after sitting still while chatting with me.

"You look cold." I determined. He rolled his eyes and replied with sarcasm:

"Yea, tell me something I _don't _know already." He smiled wickedly, but I thought I could se a hint of playfulness in his eye.

"Well, seems kind of dumb to me to be wandering around with a summer's jacket in the middle of the winter." I taunted him, while my eyes sparkled with humour and irony.

"There was actually a thought behind that…" he never finished the sentence. As if he suddenly remembered where he was, and why he was here, his eyes turned cold again. The playful sparkle I'd seen, burned down and died again. I could have sword I saw his soul withdraw into his spiky shell again.

I walked a bit further, so I could see his face a bit more clearly. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his whole face had a tense and worn look to it. This was the face of a man who had lost a lot of weight in a short time.

"We should get you inside, you need to eat something…" A haunted grin appeared on his face.

"Do you think you can save me?" He taunted me, flicking his lighter open, and closing it again.

"I'm not trying to save you. To say that I believe I can save you would be flattering myself, I am merely trying to help you save yourself." I replied slyly, 'cause whatever he might say, I knew that he was just as afraid of me as he'd wished I were of him. Poor guy…

"Why are you being so nice to me?" He was angry; I could see it in his aura. I swear that if looks could kill… yea, you know what I mean.

"Because I do not judge a man based on what he's done, anyone can make a mistake. I meet everyone with greetings and let their heart, and their character speak for them. In the end, you deeds will be weighed and measured, but not before. Therefore it is not in my place to convict a man, nor hand out prejudices." He snorted condescending.

"Sounds like naïve crap to me." He replied. I nodded slightly, and walked further towards him, until I was only inches away. I bend down, so our eyes were in the same height.

"Maybe so, but don't tell me that you are to stupid to see an opportunity to save yourself when it stares you in the face."

After that, he didn't protest any further, and let me lead him to the house. We met many students on our way towards the kitchen, but none of them seemed to recognize him. I knew that Bobby, Rogue, or any of the other X-men would however, and just hoped that we wouldn't bump into any of them quite yet. I wanted Pyro to eat something before we went through that procedure. Though me might think he could hide how weak he was, he didn't know that I was connected to him in a way. 'Cause though I might have a body of my own, my fate is still the same as his, and I could smell his weakness a mile away.

We entered the kitchen and found it empty, to my great relieve. I gave him a slight push towards one of the chairs at the high table in the centre.

"Sit." I ordered him. He was smart enough not to argue with me, luckily for him. He just tumbled down on the chair furthest to the left. Then he sat there, sulking as I searched through the cupboards, trying to find something decent for him to eat. 'Nutrition' was the word I had in mind. It didn't have to taste very well, as long as there was plenty of nutrition in it.

I found noodles in the bottom cupboard; it would make a good base to build on. Then I went to see what I could dig up from there. I found wok in one of the cases, great! Now I needed protein, and since something told me that beans wouldn't go well with this, I decided for meat. Somehow I got a feeling he would appreciate it more than beans too.

As I prepared the wok pan, I turned around to throw a glance at him where he sat, playing with his lighter. He looked up, and raised one eyebrow in a defensive way.

"What?"

I decided to tease him a bit.

"Well, Bobby told me that you were always the funny one. I wonder however, because I have honestly me dead guys who were more humorous than you." At the mention of that, he actually grinned a bit, and not in the empty and hollow way. I could actually see some fire sweep by in his eyes.

Then I turned around again, or else I would have burned the wok-thingy I was preparing. The vegetables had begun to look a bit roasted, and the meat was no longer red and flabby. To my great surprise, the mess actually had begun to smell pretty good. "Ha!" I thought, "I can cook. In your face, oh divine highest power!" I felt my mouth form into a grin. This felt rather good actually. I didn't need its enlightenment to create something; I could just do it myself. This independence thing had actually begun to seem appealing to me.

I got a plate and shovelled the food onto it.

"There," I said and put the plate down in front of him. "Eat, and no complaining, 'cause I'm no chef, just a girl with a short fuse who can't cook."

To my satisfaction, he didn't question me. He picked up the fork, and began eating in silence. I decided it was best to clean up the slight mess I'd made, and began to wash the dishes and put everything back where it belonged.

As I turned to se how he was doing, I found that he was done already. He'd returned to his leaned back flickering with the lighter, the grumpy look had also returned to his face. Since he was done I took the plate and washed it off together with the knife and fork. As I was done I went over to the table and sat down at the opposite side of him.

"You know you should go and talk to the professor."

He didn't answer, just stared at the flame transfer from his lighter to his palm. I fastened my eyes on him, and with a slight telepathic push, forced him to meet my eyes. As his brown orbs met mine, I suddenly understood why he'd tried to avoid looking at me. I saw shame, in its pure state, staring back at me.

"Oh, come on. It's nothing more than pique and a diminished ego." He tore his eyes away from mine, but I still had time enough to see the anger return to him.

"Easy for you to say."

"Trust me, if there is one thing in this world I know, then it is shame. I carry the weight of many souls on my shoulders."

He threw an odd glance at me, obviously perplex about the statement I had just made. I realized that he was looking at me as if I were the strangest person he'd ever met. The thought of 'If he only knew…' popped into my head, and before I knew it, I was giggling. That was obviously not a good thing to do in that moment

"What?!" His voice was just as furious as the fire I could see burn within him.

"You were looking at me in a way that made me wonder if I where huge and green with antennas on my head or something." I replied, fighting furiously to smother the laugh I felt rising within. The corner of his mouth curled a bit.

"Guess I did."

I got a grip of myself. This was not the time to be cracking jokes. I had to get him to the professor _before _we met Bobby or Rogue, because if we did, it could easily turn into an argument, which resulted in him leaving again.

"Come, it is time to talk to the professor." I commanded and began walking. Behind me, I could hear him sigh heavily, but then his footsteps told me he was following close behind.

-----

We stopped outside the professors' door. I lifted my hand to knock, but froze before I did so.

"Are you ready?" I asked. He seemed surprised and I noticed that his hands were shaking slightly.

"You are not coming with me?"

I frowned, had he expected me to? Why would I do that, this was not my fight.

"No, this is one thing you have to do alone. I will wait here for you." Without further discussion, I knocked at the door. There was a moment of silence, long enough for the thought 'what if he's not here?' to rush through my head. Then we heard a "Come in." from the other side of the door.

I let the door slide open and then gave Pyro a slight nudge. He flinched, and then he walked into the professors' office. The door closed behind him, and I was left outside, waiting. I could have tried to hear what they were saying, but I was afraid that I would loose control, like I'd done down in the practise room. Instead, I put my ear against the door to devote myself to some old and honest ease dropping.

Through our connection to one another, I could sense Pyros' unease about being in the room with the professor. Though his unease, it seemed to be going fine at first, but then I began to feel the ominous heat return to him. It became hotter and hotter, fire danced behind my eyelids and anger caused my hands to shake. Finally the warmth reached its peak. I felt like burning on the inside, whilst rage drove me to the brink of madness. But deeply hidden underneath the hatred, I could suddenly see his denial. I groaned, this was just great; he was too thick headed to admit his mistake.

"Come on, come one Pyro. Admit it, you were wrong." I muttered to myself. If he refused to admit his mistake, even to himself, then he was lost. There would be no going back if it came down to that. Carefully, but firmly, I gave him one of my mental pushes. Not a real push, just a little nudge. The free will is not something to meddle with, it's dangerous and wrong, but somewhere inside, I felt that he wanted to admit his mistake, though his pride forbade him to do so. Therefore, I gave him a little nudge. Almost instantly, I felt his rage swagger, and then withdraw.

He'd passed the first test, and he'd done it with distinction.

-----

I waited outside for another ten minutes or so, before I felt the professor call me with him mind. I rose from the place I'd sat down outside the door, and pushed it open. I saw Pyro stand by the window, with his back to me. The professor sat by his desk and he smiled friendly as I drew closer.

("Rose?") I heard his voice whisper inside my head. Obviously he didn't want Pyro to hear our conversation.

("Yes professor?")

("I have spoken to Pyro, and we have agreed he will stay here. Though he's come a long way already, he still has further way to go. I will ask the other teachers and X-men to keep an eye on him, and would appreciate if you would also agree to do so.") I nodded.

("Of course professor, I will do my best.") I really meant it. For both the professors', and my own sake, I would do the best I could.

Xavier nodded, looking pleased. ("Good.") Then he returned to speaking aloud.

"I would very much like to continue our training together, if you are willing to participate of course." He said. I bend my head down as a sign that I was.

"Very well, then I shall put it in my schedule. Saturday mornings at 10 will be a good time." He opened a black folder and wrote something on a paper in it.

"You are both free to leave."

-----

As I stepped out the door and shut it behind me, I felt that something was wrong. All sounds were too close somehow. A student coughing at the other end of the corridor sounded as close as if he'd been standing there, right beside me. And then it began, the whispers. A flood of voices and images came washing over me. I tore my mouth open, gasping for air, drowning in the flood. The whispers grew louder and louder until I felt like the filled every inch of me, imaged flashing by in a blur, to fast to make some sort of sense. Then I felt myself swagger, close to tipping over and falling flat on the floor. I couldn't see, couldn't breathe, and could barely exist anymore.

Then I suddenly felt a strong arm grip my elbow, pulling me up standing.

"Hey, hey Rose! Are you okay?" A voice called from miles away. And then it was over; in a second it was all gone. The whispers had been silenced, and I could breath again. Gasping, I drew one stinging breath. My throat was as dry as the Sahara desert and it burned like fire. I looked up and saw Pyro was the one holding me up. He looked startled and peered at me through wide eyes.

"Y-yes… I'm alright now." I rasped.

"What was that?"

"Don't know. It has never happened before." For myself I thought that maybe it had something to do with my break into the professors' mind this morning. I decided not to tell Pyro about it yet, and though he didn't look convinced, he didn't ask anything further on the matter.

-----

**A/N: Okay there, Pyro has arrived, are you all happy now? Now it's only left to see where this story will take us (smirk)**


	6. Panic attack

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in this story, except for Rose, her I do own. Oh, and then of course, the plot is mine… but nothing else.

**A/N: **I am now officially starting an appeal. From now on I promise to review every story I read as much as one row from, just because I know how much I myself appreciate reviews. And, um… I hope you liked the chapter!

**2:nd A/N: **Than you to All my lovely reviewers, you guys rock my world!

_**I am Death**_

_Chapter 6: Panic attack_

-----

The darkness was overwhelming. The streetlights lit up small islands in the black night, and I found myself wishing they had been islands. If they had been, they would have been surrounded by water, and they would have been a lot safer… I stood frozen under one of the streetlights, staring back at the ocean of darkness behind me. I felt pure panic bludgeoning my nerve-ends, and I instinctively knew that my eyes were round with fear.

Then I heard it again, a horrifying, shambling sound, as if something heavy was dragged over the asphalt. It was coming my way. I drew a deep breath, ready to scream my lungs out, but not a sound escaped me. Blinded by the panic, and very aware of the fact that the thing behind me came closer every second, I sunk down on my knees. Sobbing and defeated, I turned my back at my persecutor, waiting for it. There was nothing left, nothing except the fear. It was close now, closer than it had ever been before. A rotten smell made my nose itch, and I heard no footsteps, just the slow dragging of dead meat against the asphalt. Then something cold and dead grabbed my arm.

I heaved my self up into sitting position, my terrified scream echoed through my room. Taking a leap out of the bed, I had only one thing in mind, turning the lights on. It could only exist in darkness; if I just got to turn the light on, It would go away. Fumbling, I searched my way through the room, ready to defend myself, no matter how useless it might be. And then my fingers touched something cold, and I could swear that my heart missed a beat. With all the strength I possessed, I swung my left fist and directed a furious blow at it.

The sound of cracking wood, and the pain as my hand hit something hard seemed to shock me out of my state of unreasonable fear. Hot streaks of pain shot up my arm in fast impulses. I groaned in agony. Trying not to move my aching hand too much, I walked in the direction I knew the door, and the light switch were in.

I must have taken longer steps than usually, or maybe I was just disoriented, but I never knew how close to the door I was, until I smashed right into it. Cursing under my breath, I raised my right hand to search for the switch. I found it, and with a feeling of relief, I turned the light on. My first thought was that there was something wrong with my room. It looked, different from what I remembered. Then I realized it.

Everything inside my room, except for the bed, had been turned upside down, literally.

I looked to my right, and saw my wooden closet also had been turned upside down. It must have been the thing I had punched while I was still half asleep. I approached it to discover how much damage my fist had done to it, while thinking about the nightmare. I'd had it before, but it had felt much more… real this time.

I gasped for my breath at the sight of the beautiful closet.

I had smashed my fist right through one of the two doors. The edges of the hole I'd made were spattered with blood. Dreading what I might see, I looked down at my aching hand. Several long, but shallow cuts covered it. To my relief, it didn't look too bad, just some scratches.

"From now on, I'm sleeping with my light on." I muttered under my breath, and went into the bathroom to see if I could find some bandages. Catching a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, I realized how pale I was.

"Oh come on, it's not like its going to kill you." I told the person I saw staring back at me. I curled my mouth into a grim smile. Black humour seemed to amuse me in this late hour, and why wouldn't it? After all, I was the grim reaper. With a burning sensation somewhere behind my eyes, I turned away from the mirror. I couldn't bear staring into those eyes anymore, those accusing, mocking eyes… my own eyes.

I raised my hand to turn off the light in the bathroom, but right before flipping the switch downwards, the dream flashed by inside my head again. I hesitated, _(don't) _and then let my hand drop. I closed my eyes hard, but the burning feeling behind my closed eyelids just grew more intense. Something from within forced me to draw a short, thrusting breath, and after that another one. My body began shaking, to violently for me to control. Swaggering, I tried to hold on to the doorpost. My hand grabbed a hold of it, but instantly began to slide down it instead. I felt so weak, like something had stolen every ounce of strength I'd ever possessed. The only thing that could exist within me was the expanding hole, the beast in its cage. I sank to the floor, whilst the anguish made by body shake and twitch in violent convulsions. I closed me eyes, sobbing _(make it go away) _…

-----

Morning, and the god damned sun that shone right into my eyes. It was forcing me to turn away, to move and meet the new day. But I didn't want to wake up, I'd had enough. If this was living, then they could keep their precious 'life' to themselves. I couldn't believe that when I offered them the salvation, they would rather prefer to stay? I mean, why? This was not life or death, this was the suffering of the crossfire, if not worse, and yet they wanted to stay, why?

"Argh, all these questions!" I growled to myself and got up from the bathroom floor. After spending a night on a cold floor, in a rather uncomfortable position, getting up is not the most pleasant thing to do. But still, nor is walking after you have gotten up either.

My hand was soar and swollen, but it didn't look like I'd done more than scratch myself. I'd be fine, not that that was a very comforting thought. Remembering to turn the light off, I left the bathroom. Coming out, and turning my eyes to a movement on the wall to the left, I found… another of those cursed mirrors! Growling I dashed over to it. Curse them; curse them all and their endless will to see their own reflection! My first reaction was to smash the mirror. Thrust my fist into it and see it scatter into a thousand pieces. My face lit up in a vile smile at the thought of it, and I raised my hand. I seemed to be doing that a lot these days, raising my hand and closing it into a fist, willing to cause pain, willing to do evil's chores. Suddenly the urge to break the mirror disappeared. I realized that it was not the right way.

Instead I took of my nightgown and put on a pair of pants. I'd come to like these pants, made of denim and comfortable. Suddenly I felt a bit more cheerful, no point in self-pity, right? Bending down to pull on some socks on my feet, something caught me eye in the mirror. On one heel, I spun around and stared into the it. Something, a marking, had been burned into my skin on my right hip. It looked like a symbol of some sort, but I had honestly no idea of what it was, or what it meant. Touching it with my bare fingertips, I got a tingling feeling that shot up my hand. _(I am death) _Burn marked, condemner of souls, found guilty on all charges. Suddenly I needed not wonder about what it meant, it was my own signature, and I carried my own marking. How strange… With my long, thick raven hair covering my bare chest, I searched for more markings, anything that would explain why my own signature had been engraved into my skin. I searched for the marking of the divine, something that would complete the endless circle, but found nothing. Did it mean that all I was, all I existed for, was death? Would my fate ever be nothing more than a dead end?

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I answered before thinking twice, since I felt that the one outside would change its mind if I let her/him wait.

"Enter."

The door opened and glancing over his shoulder, Pyro stepped into my room. Then his head swung round as he scanned the room for me. With a violent flinch, he took a small jump.

"Oh, shit!" he said, and jerked his eyes off of me, while he slammed the door shut. I laughed, who would have thought that the pyromaniac would be prude? Still laughing to myself I pulled a shirt over my head. Then I went over to the closet and closed the broken door.

"The next time you are undressed, you might consider warning me first." He grinned and flicked his lighter open. I raised one of my eyebrows.

"For the reason to regard my own decency, or to spare you from blushing like a madman?" I was taunting him again. Somewhere I felt a bit guilty about it, but he was practically begging me to. He was always so darn defensive.

The look he threw me told me as much as I needed to know. With a furious expression, he turned to leave. I realised I'd gone out of line, and hurried to stop him. Grabbing his shoulder in a firm way, I said:

"Wait, I'm sorry okay."

Though I knew his pride forbade him to, he stayed and waited for me as I gathered my stuff I needed for class. Then we headed down the corridor together. No one paid us much attention today either, I guess the students here are used to seeing new people all the time. I thought I'd seen a glimpse of Colossus as we passed by a corridor leading in a different direction, but he had his back to us. Not that it would have mattered anyway, he probably didn't remember Pyro.

"Quite a pretty hole you had in your wardrobe door." My companion suddenly expressed. He sounded amused somehow, not that I understood how a broken closet could be funny. I nodded thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I know." He was silent for a short while, but then the curiosity won over his stubbornness.

"So, mind telling me who made it? And by the way, I like your interior design. The whole upside down thing really works for you."

I suddenly came to the realization that one day; I was going to punch him. Actually, I felt like punching him right now, but managed to restrain myself. Why was he so darned defensive all the time?

"I made it, for your information. And about my little interior 'issue' I can assure you that I did not turn those furniture's upside down myself, at least not intentionally." I bit back. He threw a glance at me, to see if I was making a joke maybe, but found me gravely serious. Inside, I was smirking. ("Heh, that shut him up.")

-----


	7. Reunited We stand

**Thank all of you wonderful people who have posted a review this far. It's because of you I keep writing.**

**Disclaimer: Same as usual…**

_**I am Death**_

_Chapter 7: Old friends reunite_

_-----_

We rounded a corner and were met by the sight of Bobby and Rogue who stood there talking to Kitty. I threw a furtive glance at Pyro, who at first didn't seem to have noticed his old friends. But then his eyes drifted to them, and he froze on the spot. His whole body tensed, I could see his jaw clench and his posture stiffened. I thought of how much strength it must take for him to stand here, to admit his mistake and not letting his pride get the better of him. In that moment, I must confess that I admired him a bit. If it were I, then I would have taken my pride to the grave with me.

I decided he could use some help here, and grabbed his wrist and dragged him with me. I could feel his angry looks burning into my neck, but ignored them. He couldn't run around hiding like this forever, and besides, they were his friends.

"Good morning." I said, clutching Pyros wrist tightly to make sure he wouldn't sneak off. All three of them turned to me, Rogue lit up a bit, actually they all did. What a ray of sunshine I must have become. The thought almost made me snort.

"Hey Rose, who's…" Rogue began, but when she took a closer look at the one half by half hiding behind me, she broke off. Her mouth were left hanging open, and then formed into a surprised "Oh" Bobby threw her a puzzled gaze, and tried to look over my shoulder to see what had surprised her in such a way. I smiled wryly and stepped aside, leaving Pyro fully visible to all of them. At the sight of his old comrade, Bobby's face turned to stone. His blue eyes stared at the friend who had left him for Magneto. There was no hostility, no anger, but no warm welcome in his face either. To Bobby's left, the short Kitty Pryde seemed totally oblivious to all of this. She had no memories of John Allerdyce, the troublemaker, _or_ John the traitor.

"John?" Rogue asked herself more than Pyro himself. He stared at her with no recognition in his eyes. Then he turned to stare at Bobby, who was just as stiff as him. The air between them seemed to vibrate with tension. I sighed; this was not leading us anywhere. I gave the pyromaniac by my side a little nudge to incline he was supposed to do something else than stare at his old friend.

"Yea, that's right." He replied stiffly, whilst his eyes never left Bobby's. The Iceman suddenly looked slightly sad, as if he could barely recognize his friend anymore. Ever since he first arrived here, John had always been by his side. And though he sometimes was annoying them to death with his eternal showing-off and macho attitude, he'd always been there. Though it might have been reluctant sometimes, he'd always put up with whatever it might have been. The friend he knew were not the black sheep, just the guy who had never been quite happy here.

"You came back." Bobby said slowly, as if he could barely believe it.

"I did." Pyro shrugged. I could see the question "why?" rise within their minds, and realized that Pyro were not ready to answer that question yet. He did not know why he came back, but I did. Gently I reached out to Bobby and Rogue's minds, carefully not to scare them. Then I smoothly erased the "why?" question from their minds. Instead of asking that, Rogues question became:

"Are you really back? I mean are you staying this time?"

"Looks like it." he made a short pause, then with his usual audacious tone, he added: "Missed me?"

That broke the ice between him and his former comrade. Bobby's face lit up in a grin, and he shrugged.

"A bit maybe."

-----

The day went by in a blur, but a happy one. Pyro had been presented to Kitty and Colossus, and we stayed together during the day. The one thing that separated Pyro and me from the others was only the fact that we were not a part of the X-men. The others were, and told us that they are training in something called 'Danger room sessions' I didn't really care, since it had nothing to do with my quest.

After the final class, we delayed in the classroom for about ten minutes, talking. The topic was life before they came here, to the school. It was kind of interesting to hear about their pasts.

"Rose, where are you from?" Rogue suddenly asked, catching me off guard. I hadn't seen that one coming, and I kicked myself for letting my guard down so much. This was a topic I didn't wish to discuss too much.

"I don't know." I answered, truthfully. After all, I had no idea of where I came from. Did I even come from anywhere? They all (except for Pyro, of course) looked surprised. I understood it must sound strange to them, but what else could I say? I could lie, but I didn't like lying, it made me feel lousy lying to people I hardly knew. Especially people who meant me no harm whatsoever.

"You… you don't remember?" I met Rogues eyes and realized she pitied me. She, who could never touch anyone, pitied me. I shook my head, looking oblivious.

"What about your family then?" Bobby shot in. I just shrugged.

"Don't think I ever had one."

"But you must have had someone who cared about you, sometime. You must have loved someone once." Rogue exclaimed. I was taken aback. There it was again, the word 'love'. I shook my head again. I had never loved anyone, and one thing is for sure, no one had ever loved me. I was a tale with no beginning or ending. All I'd ever known was the loneliness, and the slight feeling of loss every time someone reached the light, and left me alone behind.

"No, I have never loved or been loved by anyone, or anything. Wherever I go, I go alone." I replied. Rogue looked as if she had lost all words. They all looked slightly shocked. I shrugged, you can't miss something you never had, or can you? I was startled and amazed as Rogue got up from her chair, took two steps over to me, and then raised her arms and put them around me. Drawing me close in a tight embrace, I felt her empathy brush against my mind. As she let me go, I gave her a thankful smile. Though I did not understand why she cared about me, it felt good. I felt a bit more… real somehow.

Kitty threw a glance at the clock hanging on the wall.

"Oh, it's time for us to go."

-----

The others, who had to hurry for their training with Storm and Wolverine, left Pyro and me alone. They told us that Scott _(Cyclops) _were the one who were supposed to train with them instead of Wolverine, but that he was completely broken down after Jean Grey's death at Alkali Lake. In my mind, I saw a picture of a beautiful, red haired woman disappearing in a flood of water. But I had no memories of bringing her to the other side. It didn't make sense; if she was dead then I should remember her. I remember every single soul I have taken, with painful clarity. Jean Gray could not be dead, it was not possible, but I couldn't tell them that. There was so much I wanted to tell these people but couldn't. Suddenly, the game I was playing didn't seem so innocent anymore. The pawns in my chess game had turned into real people. People who called me their friend, people that didn't matter to me before, but suddenly seemed much more significant. I'd heard their back-stories; they had allowed me to take part of their memories. They were real, I weren't.

"Rose?" I flinched. I'd forgotten that Pyro were walking beside me.

"Yes?" He looked as if he was going to ask me something, but then he hesitated.

"Ah, nothing."

I must admit I was curious about what had been on his mind, but if he didn't wish to share it with me, I had no right to ask further on the topic. But still, there was something else I wondered about.

"John?"

"Yea, what?"

"Why did you leave in the first place?" He looked up from the floor, and looked me in the eye. His brown orbs were hard and angry.

"I got sick of everyone telling me what I shouldn't do." he replied with an icy tone.

Suddenly, a distant voice echoed inside my head. _(You are a god amongst insects; never let anyone tell you different)_ I realized it must have been Magnetos voice. There had been such bitterness lurking behind those words, such anger. Magneto must have personal reasons to why he hated humans so much.

"But Magneto only cared about Pyro, not John Allerdyce. To him, John was useless, but here they care about both. Remember that John."

Again, he looked at me in such a strange way…

-----

_**A/N: Opinions anyone? **_


	8. Make this a merry Christmas

**Disclaimer: Same as ever…**

_**I am Death**_

_Chapter 8: It's not too late to make this a merry Christmas_

_-----_

Several weeks passed by, without anything special happened. I studied Pyro intense during daytime, to see anything, any sign that would incline the answer to 'life'. I knew it couldn't be just the bare existence of a soul. I existed, and had done so for what seemed like an eternity, but yet I had never lived. I also came to the understanding that there was a big difference between _being _alive, and the 'life' my victims spoke of.

I had come to think of them as my victims, the souls I stole. It was really hard for me to see myself, to do some soul searching, since I only seemed to find more questions than answers. Though I might be a saviour for the suffering ones, I must be equal as much a curse for those who are happy with 'life'. Since the thought of this brought me very much anguish, I decided not to ponder it too much. But as I lay awake during the night, the thoughts came creeping back.

I had done a prestigious attempt to turn everything in my room back to its initial state, but only to find it upside down again in the morning. There must be some sort of activity in my room the few hours per night I slept. Maybe it had something with the 'attacks' to do. It was getting harder for me to control my powers. At my lessons with Xavier, my powers were getting stronger in such speed I had a hard time keeping up. I lost control more and more often, and the attacks I had were increasing in frequency.

Meanwhile, Christmas was approaching. Now this was one thing I knew a lot about. Many of my victims had told me about the happy memories they held from this special holiday. It made a warm feeling rise within me, thinking about Christmas. John however seemed to loathe it for some reason. Every time one of the others mentioned what they would do for Christmas, his eyes turned to stone and his mouth became a thin line. I did not understand why he held a grudge against something like Christmas, a time when you should be thankful for all you have, and a time for warmth and laughter.

This afternoon, we'd retired to my room after final class. I was writing on a history project. The subject was mutant history, about the first of our kind. Funny thing I had become to think of myself as a mutant. I stopped writing for a second and reflected on the consequences of my absence. Without death, what had become of the world? There must be so many now waiting to die, but I didn't care. I was tired of thinking about everyone else. I do so much, and I have never received as much as one 'thank you' for it. Instead I was hated, by everyone. I heard a small cracking sound, and looked down. I had just broken my pencil on two without realizing it. I silently came to the conclusion I would have to work on restraining myself.

"John, why don't you like Christmas?" He looked up at me from his place on the floor. He was always sitting on that exact spot. I didn't know why, he could just sit in my armchair, but he always chose the floor. Today, I saw something in his eyes I couldn't read.

"When everyone else goes home, where do I go? I stay here…" he said. The bitterness in his tone was so obvious, so heartbreaking.

"I do not have anywhere to go either, but I don't mind," I reminded him.

"Christmas is for those with a home, a family. It's for people like, Bobby."

"But Bobby won't be going home this year. His family wants nothing to do with him anymore."

"You miss the point Rose. He used to have his family, at least he _remembers_ a happy Christmas." He paused, searching for the words.

"But…" I cut in. He interrupted me before I got a chance to finish.

"Well, screw them! They can keep their bloody Christmas. It was never meant for outcasts like us Rose."

I flushed, surprised. He saw the expression in my eyes and asked:

"What?"

"You just said 'us'." I told him, amazed. He always referred to himself as if he was alone. "You have never included me in anything you've said before." He shrugged and looked away. I was left puzzled, since it was not like him, but after all, I hadn't understood him from the start.

-----

I awoke in Christmas day with a happy feeling in my stomach. Just the sight of the small Christmas tree I had placed on my writing desk lifted my spirits. This day I would wear a pair of black jeans, with a wonderful, red velvet vest. The cleavage was not too low cut, but showed just enough skin, and the piece was beautifully draped over the shoulders. I thought I looked good in it, as long as I didn't look into my own eyes… still couldn't stand the lustre in them. I had a strange kind of beauty, breathtaking, but horrifying at the same time. But after all, so was death, and death I was. Considering doing something with my hair, I plucked with it a bit, but decided not to. I just combed it and let it fall over my shoulders in smooth curls. I looked at myself, at my body. It was thin, but yet strong, like the body of a cat, of a predator. I smiled, a pleasant smile, a happy smile perhaps? A knock on the door broke the magic of the moment.

"Come in!" I called to the one outside. The door opened a little bit, but then stopped.

"Do I dare?" The one on the other side asked.

"Haha, aren't you the funny one…" I replied sarcastically: Pyro stepped into the room, looking rather pleased with himself. Then his gaze fell on me, and he became motionless. The look in his eyes told me something I could not understand, and when I tried to dip into his thoughts, I realized that he had shut me out. If it was his meaning to do so, or if it was subconscious, I do not know. All I knew what that I had never seen anyone look at me like that… his eyes were so, intense.

"John." I said, awakening him from his spellbound state. Quickly, he turned away from me. He seemed to be doing that a lot these days. Staring at me like he'd never seen me before, and then turning away as soon as he snapped out of it. Strange behaviour from him, but I hoped there was nothing to worry about.

We met up with the others at Bobby's room, and headed down to the dining hall for some breakfast. Kitty and Rogue were staring admiring at me as John and I approached them.

"Wow, you look amazing in that." Rogue told me. I didn't like compliments very much, since I didn't feel like I deserved them, so I became a bit uncomfortable.

"Um, thank you." I said, smiling. "I've actually never worn a vest before." The two girls looked shocked.

"Never?" Kitty questioned doubtfully.

"Never." I replied and shook my head. Kitty stared at me as if I were the strangest person she'd ever met, and Rogue giggled at the look on her face.

"Come on girls, let's get something to eat." Bobby said. He seemed happy today, I could sense it in his presence. "As they say, everybody loves Christmas". And then I looked at Pyro. "Oh well, almost everybody."

As we came down into the dining hall, we found it beautifully decorated. The atmosphere inside the hall was cheerful and merry, like I've always imagined Christmas to be. It was as if the troubles outside in the world couldn't reach us in here today. For a few hours, we would be free from the weight of the world. We would spend this Christmas here as united, as friends. The breakfast was great, though there was much meat. I couldn't bring myself to eat meat. It only reminded me of my past, reminded me of pain and death, myself. So instead, I ate of everything else as compensation. As we began to feel somewhat ready, Rogue suddenly got an idea.

Ice skating, again. I felt like groaning, but restrained myself. Everyone else, except Pyro of course, he just shrugged to say 'whatever' as usual, but all the others seemed to like the idea. So I agreed to come along. I wanted to be a part of their friendship today, even if it meant I would have to fall flat on ice and get some bruises. We got up from the table, and everyone went to their rooms to get their skates. I didn't have any, but Rogue had an extra pair to lend me. Pyro didn't have any skates either, so we waited behind in the hallway. I observed that he looked much better than he'd done a month ago when he arrived. He wasn't so darned thin anymore, and the haggard, haunted look had disappeared from his features. But I could also see something else, something disturbing. He didn't look happy, not even pleased. He reminded me of a beast in a cage, and again I remembered his reasons for leaving this place. Had I done wrong when I lured him back here?

Thank god my thoughts were interrupted on the arrival of the others. Some things are not appropriate to ponder over, especially not at Christmas.

We went down to the frozen pond in the park area and strapped our skates on, while Pyro sat down on a bench by the pond. Laughing and screaming everyone slid around on the ice, aroused by the Christmas spirit and the cold refreshing air. I actually did a lot better than the last time, only fell flat a few times. I didn't own any gloves however, and after half an hour, my hands felt like falling off any second. Excusing myself, I wobbled off the ice and bend down, trying to force my stiff fingers to untie the laces. I had no success whatsoever, and only caused myself to loose my balance. Cursing, I fell into the snow, cutting the tip of my finger on one of the skates. Mumbling under my breath, I got up and stumbled towards the bench were Pyro sat, with my shoes in one hand, and the hand I'd cut closed to a fist. I sat down and dipped my bleeding finger into the snow. It hurt a lot, but I clenched my jaw and held it there for some seconds before attempting to untie the laces again. My fingers were so stiff from the cold I couldn't get any grip however, and finally I felt that burning sensation behind my eyes again. Swearing once more, I straightened myself and gave up.

"Need any help?" Pyro said, grinning. I hated when he did that, taunting me. But after all, I was no better.

"No I don't." I hissed and threw him an aggravated gaze. He just laughed at me, but not in a wicked way. He actually sounded amused by my struggle. Then he got up and knelt before my feet. Quickly he untied the laces and pulled the skates off my feet.

"Thanks." I muttered grumpily and managed to pull my shoes on. Then I raised my hands to my mouth, trying to blow some warmth into them. It was truly freezing cold. I heard him flick his lighter, and then I felt warmth come flowing from him.

"Here," he said. "Warm your hands over this." I turned my eyes to him, and found a small ball of fire dance on his left palm. I felt rather thankful as I felt the warmth enclose my hands. But then I just felt like I _had_ to tease him a bit.

"I didn't know you had such a sweet personality, Johnny boy." I said playfully. Rather than bother to reply, he just shrugged. He did that a lot.

-----

As the winter's darkness came crashing down upon us, we all retired to the warmth and merriness inside the mansion. I went up to my room, just to have ten minutes of 'alone time'. I felt like I needed it after spending the entire day with the others. This had been a great first Christmas ever, too bad I would have to be both the first and the last one. Changing my socks, which had become wet after I'd gotten snow in them during a rather brutal snowball fight, and then heading down to the TV room.

On my way down, I was surprised to find Pyro sitting in a window alone, playing with a fireball in his palm, making it change form from a snake, to a wolf and then back into a burning flame. I approached him, and then squeezed myself down at the opposite end of the window, so we sat facing each other. He seemed bitter again where he sat, lost in his own thoughts. I wondered how his life had been, since he was always so defensive. Even amongst friends, he always had his fists raised, ready to defend himself.

"You know what John," I began. "Things are not more than what you make of them. This could be a great Christmas, is you only would allow it to be." He didn't reply, just sat there playing with the flame. By impulse, I leaned forward, stretched out my arm and snatched the flame right out of his hand. With awe he stared at the tiny fireball that now danced in my open palm, without burning me.

"It's not too late to make this a merry Christmas…" I whispered.

-----

**A/N: So people, what do you make of this?**


	9. Insignificant

**Disclaimer: Same as always… don't own any characters except Rose**

_**I am Death**_

_Chapter 9: Insignificant_

-----

It was Saturday morning, and three weeks had gone since Christmas, and I was on my way down to have a session with the professor in the isolated white room we always practised in. I must admit that I myself was a bit amazed by what I could do. Moving things with my mind, reading other people's thoughts and much more. I would have enjoyed it, if it weren't for the attacks, the convulsions in which I felt like something tried to rip my conscious out of my body. They were horribly painful, more painful than you can imagine I can assure you.

But if you don't count the attacks, I'd begun to feel a slight satisfaction every time the professor told me to do something, like making myself levitate, and I could accomplish it with ease. I felt… strong; yes that's the word. I felt strong and free somehow. Freedom is a totally new thing for me. Going where you want, doing what you feel like doing, it's great. The greatest shame is that so many people are too blind to appreciate the freedom they have been given.

As I stepped into the room this morning, I found the professor talking to a tall, savage looking man with dark hair and spectacular sideburns. He looked like a predator. I knew I'd seen him before, strolling around the mansion, but did not know his name. Carefully, I approached the two men.

"Ah Rose, let me introduce you to Logan." Xavier gestured to the tall man.

"Hey kid." The man shook my hand. He had a firm, almost aggressive handshake. I smiled timidly, and then it suddenly struck me.

"You are Wolverine." I exclaimed. He seemed a bit taken aback first, but then the corner of his mouth curled a bit.

"That's right." he turned to Charles, who smiled and nodded.

"As I told you Logan, Rose here is very special, in many ways."

I stared at my own feet. I felt lousy somehow, and wished they would stop calling me 'special'. I didn't deserve to be special, not after what I'd done. I had destroyed so many lives, torn so many people apart from the one they loved, and now these two men, whom I was destined to take with me, stared at me as if I were something extraordinary. I suddenly felt slightly sick, repulsed.

"Rose," the professor said. "I have asked Logan to stay and witness our training today, if you don't mind." I shook my head, of course I didn't mind. My only concern would be what would happen with Wolverine is things got out of hand.

"Good," the professor seemed pleased. "Logan, would you stand back a little, just in case something would go wrong."

Wolverine walked to the right wall, and leaned against it in a nonchalant way. I felt a smile touch my lips. Just like he had the predators mind and strength, it was obvious to me that he also possessed their slight arrogance. I liked him. Then my attention turned to the aluminium table in front of me. On top of it laid two piles of magazines, and between them stood a piece of wood.

"It is time for you to learn how to target your pyrokinetic gift. I want you to set the piece of wood on fire, without burning up the more flammable magazines first."

It was difficult. Every time I tried to start a fire, I ended up burning the magazines instead of the wood. But the professor was patient, and every time I failed, he just calmly told me to focus better, and try again. I tried to do what I'd been told, but felt like I did no progress at all.

Try again.

I felt a fire rise within me, anger throbbing behind my forehead, pushing me. _(Try again) _I began to tremble, the murmur inside my head became louder and louder. It filled me, the anger, lifted my feet off the floor. All I could see was that cursed piece of wood, standing there taunting me for my incompetence. Somewhere I thought I could hear someone call out, _(Stop, stop) _but it mattered not to me. "Burn it, burn it all down!" the furious voice inside me head roared. And then, with a feeling of great relief, I let go. I stopped holding it back, and instantly saw the whole table disappear inside a roaring inferno. The satisfaction I felt as I watched the whole thing burn is indescribable. _It felt good._

In the corner of my eye I saw Wolverine hurry to a red button on the wall, pushing it furiously, and then the sprinkler system kicked in, smothering my beautiful fire in cold water. Left where the table had been standing a few minutes ago, were only a lump of distorted metal. Behind me, Wolverine let out an impressed: "Whoa kid, easy." I smiled. The professor had a grave expression in his features.

"Control your gift Rose, or be controlled by it."

He was right, I felt ashamed.

-----

I woke up one morning, three months after the infernal accident in the training room, and as soon as I opened my eyes I knew that the spring had come. Practically taking a leap out of bed, I jumped up and got dressed in light speed. Then I stepped out the door to my room, slammed it shut and ran down the corridor.

I twirled into Pyro's room like a whirlwind, going straight for the window and puling away the curtains. In bed, Pyro groaned and pulled his cover over his head.

"John, it's spring!" I exclaimed happily and jumped down on the edge of his bed. He just moaned from underneath the cover.

"Oh John, come on! You can't lay here all day, the sun is up and I want to go out!" I laughed. The sight of the sun shining through the window filled me with such joy. Pyro just grunted and turned to the other side. Impatiently I pulled the cover off his head.

"Hey, don't do that." he growled, peering angry at me with his eyes almost shut.

"I want to go out in the sun." I said happily.

"And I want to sleep." he muttered, but I was already up, digging in his closet, throwing out some clothes.

"Get dressed!" I commanded. He sighed and obviously gave up. I could be pretty pushy sometimes.

"Turn around then." He said sourly and sat up. Turning my back at him, staring out the window I felt like the happiest person ever. Outside on the school grounds I could see students sitting in the grass, bathing in the sunlight. To the left I saw Kitty and Rogue throwing a Frisbee to one another. The image was so peaceful and perfect, I sighed with delight.

My session with Xavier had gone well today. I was improving a lot, and I didn't feel like I had to hold back my powers so much anymore. I felt more at peace with them, like we were one.

"Are you done yet?" Pyro just sighed at my impatience.

"Almost, give me sometime will ya? Remember I was asleep five minutes ago before you so brutally came and woke me up. That's enough to traumatize anyone."

"Ha-ha," I said humourlessly. "Again, aren't you the funny one." He just smirked and didn't answer. After all, we both knew that in fact, he was the funny one. Or at least he was the one who believed to be the funny one; it was a bit difficult to determine which.

"Besides, I though the rebel would be rebellious and up for adventure, instead of spending his time in bed; resembling a dead mole." I added with a teasing voice. He didn't reply, but I could hear him sit down to tie his shoes, so I turned around.

"Aha, trying to take a peek are you?" His smug was as wide as the border between the USA and Mexico. I stretched my tongue out, like a little child.

"Just because that's what you would have done. I actually have some dignity, you know."

"Yea yea, whatever." He laughed to himself, looking very pleased.

We shut his door behind us, and headed down the almost empty corridor. Everyone seemed to have the same thing in mind; enjoying the sun as much as possible. Why wouldn't they? It had been a rough winter for everyone. The sunlight shone in thorough the tall windows, and everyone we met had a smile on their lips. Guess everyone had the spring feeling this amazing day.

Everyone were on his or her way out to bathe in the sunlight, everyone was smiling, all except one. Ten feet away from us, a blonde guy rounded the corner, and came heading our way. I froze on the spot, feeling my jaw drop to my knees. I raised my hand, and pinched my arm, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. The blonde boy standing in front of me were tall, walked gracefully and had huge angelic wings… like an angel. I gasped for my breath, awestruck.

"Hello," he said. I was far to spellbound to answer; he was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen.

"Um, I'm Warren," he added when neither Pyro, nor I responded. Suddenly I returned to my senses.

Hi, I'm Rose." I said and waved a bit. The guy smiled to me, and threw a glance at Pyro, who were just staring at him with a sullen face. I thrust my elbow into his ribs.

"Pyro." he said simply. I sighed, that was just like him, if not even worse than normal.

"Don't mind _him_. He's an ass, and his name is John." Warren smiled in a timid way. I could see in his eyes that someone had taught him shame, shame over who he was. It was a pity to see such a marvellous creation be so totally unaware of his glory.

"Are you new here?" I asked. He lit up and nodded. "Okay, then you might be looking for the professor?"

"Yes, only I don't know where to find him." He replied. He seemed relieved to find that I knew the way, and after I'd described it to him, he thanked me and walked off, in all his grace. I were left the, staring after him as he walked to the end of the corridor, and disappeared out of sight. I turned to Pyro, ho looked as sour as ever.

"Did you see that? He had wings, like an angel!" I exclaimed, breathless.

"I don't like him." Pyro instantly replied, staring after Warren with hostile eyes.

"Why not?"

"He seemed like a wimp to me." Pyro said, and dragged me down the hall with him. I must admit I was a bit confounded about his reaction. Though he was a jerk to most people, he always acted with a playful arrogance to him. Towards Warren he'd been cold and hostile in a way I hadn't seen him act since the first time I met him. It worried me somehow.

-----

We left the house behind us, and I somehow managed to talk Pyro into taking a walk in the forest. I loved the woods, the always made me feel so peaceful. I leaped forward on the path I'd chosen, with Pyro doing his best to keep up with me. I seemed to have too much energy to rid of, because I couldn't stand still for a second even. Somewhere behind me, I could her Pyro calling for me to wait for him. I smirked and played with the idea of tampering with his mind a bit, only enough to get him lost in the forest, but then I decided not to. I had a feeling he wouldn't appreciate that.

Instead I waited for him as requested, when something on the ground caught my interest. Something small and feathery lay in some bushes a few feet away. Curious, I walked over to see what it was. A dead bird. Shocked, I sunk to my knees to take a closer look at it. There was no question, this was a dead bird. But how could it be? I'm freakin' death for God's sake, it's not possible. I scooped it up into my shivering hands, sickened by how cold it was. It was dead, and yet I am the reaper, I'm here, and it shouldn't be dead.

Were there more like me? Or had I been replaced? Foolish me to think the world's doings would cease during my little adventure. Of course there was something else out there to replace me during my absence. It had just never struck me before how insignificant I was.

Then, the next realization came to me. The huge vastness of what death really was. It was the end of life, the end of sunshine, laughter friends and family. It was the end of all the things here I'd come to cherish and admire. As I held the dead bird in my shivering hands, I suddenly understood how irreversible death is. Not too long ago, this bird had a soul, a soul that had been ruthlessly abused, and ripped from its body.

I shut my eyes, feeling the burn behind them, and then I began to draw those thrusting breaths again. As I again opened my eyes, to look down at the beautiful little dead bird, something wet fell from my face and landed on my wrist. It looked like a small drop of water. Something inside me identified it as a tear. A moment I was amazed by how strong this feeling of loss was, this thing called 'grieve'. Then I remembered that this was the word I'd been doing for so incredibly long, and I bend down my head and cried, no I wept. Silent as the grave, but with painful intensity, I shed my tears.

I wept for the bird's soul, for the perverted and taunting mimic of life I now held in my hands. And most of all, I wept for the guilt I felt. Whatever I might fool myself into thinking, this was my doing. This was my fault.

I didn't even hear the approaching footsteps.

"Rose, what are you doing on the ground?" Then he must have understood why I was shaking so hard. I heard him walk over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder, and taking a look at what I held in my hands.

"Oh Rose, it's dead. There is nothing you can do," he said softly. "Let it go."

But I couldn't let it go. I didn't want to let it go. I wanted life to pour through this little creature, I wanted it to spread its delicate small wings and fly off before I'd let it go. But I couldn't, so I began whimpering. A heartbreaking, miserably small sound escaped my lips. Pyro became obviously unease, and didn't seem to know what to do.

"Go," I said. "Leave me alone." He hesitated, and then he sighed.

"Oh Rosie, I can't do that. You can't ask that of me, not after seeing you like this." He fell on his knees, gripping my hand firmly, making me put down the bird. Then he held my arms in a gentle grip and pulled me up on my feet.

Then he did something I never would have expected of him. He put his arms around my waist, and held me tightly. I whimpered and wept, with my head resting upon his shoulder. Patting my head, he remained silent, letting me express my grieve in the only way I could. In that moment, he wasn't Pyro; he was John and nothing else. And in that moment, I was grateful, because John was the one I needed right then.

-----


	10. Late night levitation

**Disclaimer: I do not own the X-men films or the characters. **

**I am Death**

_ Chapter 10: Late night levitation_

-----

As soon as I ceased crying, John brought me back to the mansion with him. I walked the whole way in some sort of exhausted tiredness. The whole world seemed to be one big haze, a dim memory more than a real place. I felt to emotionally drained of emotions, like there was nothing inside me except for an empty hole. It didn't feel good, but I didn't care. I just wanted to sleep, for hour and hours. Without saying a word, John led me to my room and opened the door for me. I tumbled inside, and fell down on the bed without the strength to even take my shoes off. Somewhere far away, or at least so it seemed; I could hear John move around the room. Then I felt something, a blanket being placed over my immovable body. I send him a thankful thought before slipping away into the darkness of my dreamy landscapes…

Something was wrong, I could feel it. Though my room looked as it always did, I felt something was terribly wrong. Then the sunlight outside the window began to fade, until my room was dusky and filed with shadows. Then the darkness began to press against the cold glass, and the last fain light faded, leaving me in total darkness. Startled, with my heart beating like a drum, I reached out a hand and switched on the small flashlight I now always kept underneath my pillow. The flashlight lit up a small part of the room, and everything seemed normal, only I knew it wasn't. I directed the light to the widow, and could see the thick darkness press against the glass. Then it began to trickle through the frame and into the room. I jerked a hand over my mouth and smothered the scream I felt wanted to escape my lips. I watched as the darkness filled the room, expanded and became thicker than air, lethal. My flashlight lit up lesser and lesser of the room, until everything went black. And then heard it again, the heavy sound of meat being dragged over wooden floor. It was coming at me.

I could no longer smother the terrified shriek, so I let it out. I screamed from the bottom of my lungs, though I knew no one could hear me. And when It crept up my bed, and gripped my shoulders, my shriek raised one pitch. It began shaking me violently. Its claws ripped through my clothes and dug into my bony shoulders, and as I felt something wet find its way down my arms, I knew I was bleeding.

"Rose, Rose!" It screamed, shaking me even more violently. "Wake up Rose, you're having a nightmare!" It was John's voice, but he was wrong, this wasn't a nightmare. If it were, then why did I still feel its claws tearing my flesh? Then I realized my eyes were shut, and I tore them open.

The room bathed in a red light, it was sunset. The scream rising from my throat faded as I realized I was staring into John's concerned brown orbs. He stopped shaking me, and let go of my shoulders as he saw I was awake. I let my eyes fly around my room, cautious of every sign saying that it had been more than a nightmare. Only there weren't any signs. Everything smelled and looked normal.

"What happened Rose?" John seemed worried. I didn't want him to worry about me, so I opened my mouth to tell him it had been nothing, but then I remembered something. I turned my gaze to look at both my shoulders. There were no tears in the sweater, and there was no blood. Relieved, I decided to pull the collar down over one shoulder, just to make sure. As I did it, I suddenly wished I hadn't. I had dark markings on each shoulder, five on each. It looked just like claw marks. Shocked and frightened, I stared at the soar marks. Then I began to cry again.

"Rosie, what's wrong? Who did that to you?" He sounded frightened, and almost desperate.

Please, please don't go. Don't leave me alone in the dark:" I managed to stammer between my sobs. John put a finger under my chin and turned my head up, facing him.

"I swear I won't. I'll crash on the couch."

I cried in relief, It wouldn't some for me if he was here. I was safe. I fell asleep almost instantly again, but knowing that John were there with me. It couldn't exist as long as he stayed close, and I could rest safely. However, I didn't get to sleep for too many hours before I was awakened again.

-----

I felt someone nudge my elbow. Irritated, I waved my hand at it, and expected it to go away. It didn't however. Feeling rather grumpy, I opened one eye. Someone had lit the bulb standing on the table next to my bed. I saw John sitting on the couch, tense as a barbed wire. His eyes were round and his mouth was hanging open, staring intensely at something behind me.

"_Rose, are you doing this?" _he whispered, sounding startled. I didn't understand what he meant, and with a bad feeling in my gut. I gasped for my breath. All the furniture at the opposite side of the room was floating, levitating in the air. Was I doing this? It scared me, watching my damaged wardrobe soar silent in the air. If I did this without noticing, what could I do if I really wanted? What if I lost control over this? I searched somewhere inside me to find a way to put them down. Concentrating really hard on imagining the furniture settle on the ground again. But they didn't, instead something else happened. My bed began trembling; shaking harder and harder until if left the floor and soared upwards.

I could hurt someone sometime if I didn't stop this. But I had no control, inside me I felt like I wanted to do more. But I didn't wish to do more. I was frightened, wondering how much I could lift, without even feeling tired from it. I closed my eyes. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!" I mumbled to myself, trying my very best to let go of the power. At my right, the table with the bulb on it also left the ground. The light shone stronger and stronger, until it exploded, shattering pieces of glass all over the room.

"Rose?" John sounded frightened; his voice was small and scared. At instant, the force surrendered and withdrew inside me again. My furniture settled on the ground slowly, and as did my bed.

For a few minutes, we sat there in the total darkness. I felt relieved and disappointed at the same time. Something inside me had wanted more, something within had driven me forward when I wanted to back off. Someone sharing me wanted to lift the whole mansion off the ground. It wanted that, and much worse. Without getting off the bed, I expanded my mind, and forced the light switch to turn on. On the sofa, John jerked a bit. He hadn't seen that one coming. Now he looked at me with some sort of… was it admiration? In that second, I realized Pyro was back, 'cause only Pyro would admire such a destructive power.

"Do you feel like going back to sleep?" I asked him, smiling a little. He shook his head, and the corner of his mouth curled.

"Don't know if I would dare to." I shrugged; it was such a Pyro-ish answer.

"Me neither." I thought for a second, and then I got up from the bed, and went to search for my slippers. I found one of the slippers underneath my bed, and the other one on top of the wardrobe. I could swear that I'd put them both by the side of the door yesterday. But well, if I could make furniture levitate, then why not slippers too?

"What do you need those for?"

"I'm going to the kitchen." He got up and came with me. We could both use some comfort eating.

-----

The kitchen wasn't as abandoned as I'd expected it to be at this late hour. Bobby sat on a chair, drinking a glass of milk. We told him nothing of my little 'issue'. I guess that we sometime had come to a silent agreement that we wouldn't tell anyone about it.

I grabbed a bottle of ice cream from the freezer; it was half empty, so I decided we could eat from the carton. We chatted about the small things while eating. Bobby didn't seem to have any intentions going back to bed, and neither did we. I doubted I would get more sleep this night.

At the sound of silent feet against the wooden floor, we all looked up. In through the door stepped Warren, the angelic guy we'd me earlier today. He seemed taken aback by the fact that there were other people in the kitchen, and I could almost swear he thought about leaving again.

"Hi Warren," I greeted him. He seemed relieved I recognized him, and instead of leaving he stepped further into the room.

"Hello Rose. Can't you sleep either?" I shook my head as an answer. I gestured to Iceman:

"This is Bobby." Iceman smiled to Warren, who relaxed a bit further. The blonde and timid boy found him a glass and poured water in it, then turning his back to the counter. He looked me in the eye, with no fear in his face. I found that strange; even I myself felt scared looking me in the eye. I found this young man very remarkable over all.

"When did you first realize you were growing wings?" I asked him.

"About when I was eight, maybe nine." His gaze darkened at the memory. Reaching out to his mind, I suddenly understood why he was so timorous. A memory came drifting to me from his conscious, and suddenly I understood him much better than before.

"Your father never appreciated you being a mutant, did he?"

Warren flinched; surprised to get that question. I could see why, it wasn't something that seemed normal to ask, especially not to a stranger. But again, I knew a lot about people.

"No, he didn't" He put the glass in the dishwasher, and prepared to leave. I stopped him.

"Warren?" He turned to me again.

"Yes?"

"They are beautiful. It's a shame your father never saw that." He smiled.

"Thank you." And then he left.

I noticed Pyro looking as if he'd just eaten something very sour. Guess he really didn't like Warren, though I couldn't understand why.

-----


	11. Men fight with their fists

Disclaimer: Same as always…

**_I am Death_**

_Chapter 11: Men fights with their fists_

-----

As the morning came, I kind of wished that I'd slept the last hours of the night. Staying awake during the classes today might be difficult, and I always felt guilty if I didn't pay attention to the teacher. After all, he or she was just doing his/her best to teach me something. Since my room lay closer to the classroom we were supposed to be in, I waited outside my door as Pyro ran to get his books from his room. The day was just as beautiful as the last one, but it didn't bring me any pleasure today. I had a strange feeling in my gut, a feeling that something was on its way, something ominous. I had a feeling life would get much more complicated soon.

"Good morning," someone said behind me. Startled, I swung around and found Warren there. He was smiling timidly.

"Yes, a good morning indeed." I replied, feeling a little smile grace my red lips. Just by taking a look at his angelic appearance made me feel a bit happier. Hard to feel worried when you have an angel standing before you. His smile faded a bit.

"You seem troubled." I nodded and sighed a bit.

"Hm, I have a feeling…" He nodded understanding. I liked him a lot. We chatted about a bit of this and a bit of that, and the more I spoke to him, I knew that he was a good man. He was one of those I never had to wonder about what the verdict would be. It was the salvation for him, mark my words. After speaking to him for about three minutes, I found myself smiling, even laughing.

Footsteps behind me announced the arrival of Pyro.

"Come Rose, let's go," he said tugging my arm.

"Okay, I'll see you later Warren," I said and turned to go. I could swear that in the corner of my eye, I saw Pyro throw Warren a blackened gaze.

-----

Final class was over, and I was heading back to my room. Walking out of the classroom door, I let my gaze wander around, searching for Pyro, but he was nowhere to be found. He usually skipped this class, since he didn't consider math as a, to him, useful subject. Though I knew better, I didn't argue with him. He'd come around some day, I reasoned.

I was happy to catch a glimpse of Warren on the other side of the crowd, and slowly made my way over to him. Since he was new, and a bit reserved, he didn't seem to have made any friends yet. I found it somewhat strange, since he had such good character, but on the other hand, others didn't see people as well as I did. Perceptive maybe, or just gifted, being death sure has some privileges.

"Hi Warren," I called out to him. He flinched and looked around, a dazzled expression on his face.

"Hi Rose. Where's your friend?"

"Oh you mean Pyro? Well I lost the old sourpuss before final class." I laughed a bit. Warren seemed relieved. Those two really didn't get along very well, or to be more precise, Pyro didn't go well with Warren, and they both knew it.

Warren told me he'd come here since his own parents resented him. His father was some big shot who considered having a mutant son, a disgrace of some sort. Warren told me about the time his father realized his son was a mutant. He had tried desperately not to turn into one of 'those mutants', and when he saw the first signs of his own mutation, he'd tried to carve his wings off. His father had come rushing into the bathroom and discovered his son's 'problem'. It made me sad to see the sadness and shame in his eyes as he told me this. His father had always thought of Warren's mutation as a flaw, when it was in fact a gift. People are afraid of what they don't understand, but it's a shame non-the less to see a family being torn apart by something so simple.

We walked down the corridors, speaking of every day manners, and I told him that I didn't remember my past; he seemed sad, not as if he pitied me, no he seemed genuinely saddened. It was more like a sort of empathy than pity, and I liked that. We spoke of what the future might hold in store for us, mutants. I didn't have a future here, that I knew, and it weighed heavy on my heart. Warren however did, and I wondered if he would ever live to see a world where he could live free from guilt and accusations. I hoped so, with all my heart.

As we stopped outside my door, he told me his room lay further down the corridor. I told him I would head there as soon as I'd gotten rid of my books. He smiled and strode away, with his winds folded against his back, white as snow. I stood staring after him for a while, then I turned and stepped inside my room. Pyro wasn't here either, and I tipped my bag over the bed and watched all books fall out before I closed it again and turned to leave. Throwing a last glance around the room I wondered where my friend could be, but decided not to worry, he'd find me if he wished to. If not, then he would just keep on hiding.

I slid the door shut behind me, and began walking. Warrens door would be just around the corner somewhere, and I was headed in that direction. There was some turmoil going on there. The sound of an angry voice came drifting round the corner, and then I heard something that sounded like a struggle. Something was going on, and I felt I better check it out. Running, I skidded the corner. There I found exactly what I'd hoped not to find. Bobby and Piotr holding back Pyro, who was struggling to get loose, and at the opposite wall where Warren who seemed nervous. At the sound of my footsteps, Bobby looked up and saw me. Distracted, also Piotr threw a glance over his shoulder. Pyro used their lacking attention, and slipped out of their grasp. He darted to Warren, grabbing his shirt, slamming him against the wall. I couldn't believe my eyes and just stood there, dumbstruck. Then Pyro punched Warren in the face, with all the strength he owned.

"Pyro! Stop it!" I yelled and was just about to run and pull him away from Warren, when Bobby and Piotr came to my aid. In a turmoil of blood, waving arms and curses, Bobby and Piotr was over Pyro again, dragging him away from Warren. Whilst Pyro was unharmed, Warren bled from his nose. I could see their anger flood from them, like electricity. Then Pyro's eyes turned and found me there. I could see surprise reflecting through his hazel orbs, as if he hadn't noticed I was there.

"Rose…" he said.

"Go," I replied angry. "Get out of my sight!" He tore away from his two friends, and cursing under his breath, he left the scene. People in the corridor scattered to leave his was free as he furiously strode past them. As he disappeared out of sight, I wondered what had driven him to pick a fight with Warren. He didn't like him, sure I knew that, but there was a big difference between not liking someone, and feeling like you wanted to kick their ass.

"Are you okay?" I asked Warren, hence he nodded bitterly.

"Yeah, thanks to these two." He gestured to Bobby and Piotr.

"No problem, but why did he come at you from the start?" Bobby wondered. He and Piotr hadn't been here when the fight started obviously.

"I don't know. I was just about to go into my room when he snuck up behind me and began threatening me. I didn't really understand any of the things he said, but he was upset. Well then, you know the rest."

In that moment, Logan came walking towards us.

"Is there a problem here?" He asked looking at Warren, for obvious reasons. Warren threw a glance at me, to ask if he should tell the truth. I shook my head pleading; I didn't want Pyro to get in trouble. I knew it was much to ask from Warren, but after all, Pyro was my friend, and I was supposed to look after him. Warren sighed.

"No nothing, I tripped that's all."

With one gaze, Logan let us all know he didn't believe that for a second, then the corner of his mouth began to twitch a bit, and he walked away, leaving us behind.

"Thank you, for not turning John in." I said to Warren.

"Sure." He said, and walked into his room, leaving me, Bobby and Piotr behind. I looked to the guys, and found them sharing a look of some sort. Suddenly, I had another one of my little hunches.

"You guys do know why he came at Warren, don't you?" Bobby nodded.

"Yeah, but I can't tell you why. You'll have to ask him yourself."

They left, and I went to search for Pyro.

-----


	12. The grudge

I went to search for Pyro, or John, or whomever else I might find in his eyes today. He was as unpredictable as the northern storm, as changing as the sea. Every time I thought I understood him, he did something to prove the contrary. He was so… unstable. He could be so righteous to me one second, and then a complete ass the next. Why had he snapped at Warren? What was it in this angelic creature that made him resent it so much?

Warren was goodness personified, but I always thought that John, or Pyro maybe, had chosen to be bad. What if I were wrong? I knew now that inner battles are the toughest ones to fight, since they are the ones you're most likely to lose.

Was Pyro waging war against John? Was there an inner battle between good and evil? I wasn't even sure if I believed in evil anymore. I believed in goodness, since I saw it stare back at me everyday here, but evil? The widower, who kills his wife's murderer, is he the evil whom they speak of? Or the murderer, who killed this man's wife while trying to rob her, is he evil? No, I believe in cruelty, coldness, malice and greed, but not in evil.

So then, who was this Pyro within John Allerdyce? A furious memory of present and passed injustice, the memory of a smaller and weaker John? Or is it John who's trapped beneath the surface, is he the spark I see in his hazel eyes at times? I have no answers, though I could go on like this forever. Bobby and Piotr are right; I must ask him myself, though I'm not sure to receive an honest reply. Guess you can't trust a man, who is only held back by his ride and stubbornness, to tell you the truth if you ask him.

The question was: where could he have wandered off? I searched for the mental connection between us, but was met by nothing at all. I suddenly felt cut off, separated from something that should be there, like I'd lost a limb. Roaming down the corridors, feeling like I'd lost something very important, I searched for my stubborn friend.

The first logical place to search for him was of course his room. I headed there with renewed determination. The sound of my steady, eager footsteps accompanied me down the halls. Avoiding bumping into the young mutants I met on my way, and making sure I didn't attract any attention I strode by both professor Storm, and Hank McCoy. Thankfully enough, none of them noticed me. Skidding around the last corner, I found Pyro's room door, and swung it open. Stepping inside his dusky room, I almost immediately realized he wasn't here. Letting my gaze wander over the walls and interiors of the room, with a deep feeling of disappointment in my stomach, I heard the door shut behind me. The room looked exactly like it had done yesterday morning. The only exception was the pulled down window curtain, the only sign wielding he'd been here at all. For some reason, he seemed to resent the light, determined to extinguish it wherever he set pace. I could almost smell his arrogance in the air, like a faint memory of the person dwelling in the shadowy space.

Where had he gone? Had he left again? Had it been because of what I said? I felt like I'd just run a marathon, exhausted I sat down on the bed, _his _bed. His presence here was so strong, almost overwhelming, and yet I knew he was here no more. No matter how hard I tried to sense him, no matter how far I stretched, I felt nothing. I was cut off from him, the one I was supposed to be linked to, the one I was supposed to be closer to than anyone else.

"Oh John, John where are you?" I cried out to the empty room.

And for the first time in my short life, I was alone.

-----

Stumbling through the corridors in a grey haze, unaware of the people I met, not certain of where I was going, I walked slowly. What was there left now? Had my question been answered, is this life? But this is no answer! I had known Him for months now, and not once stumbled across the thought of asking him what the answer was. Had I lost my path? Was there even an answer, but there must be…

Maybe it was time for me to return to where I came from. I had done more damage than good here; I had a feeling of it. Yes, this would be a good time to surrender, to give up and accept the fact that I was nothing, just a tool of the divine, with no significance whatsoever.

And still I felt held back by something. I had a feeling my purpose here was yet to be revealed. I felt something pull me back to this place, the answer to all my questions. Maybe there was still one thing left here I hadn't done.

I had to stay, something here was unfinished, and it was up to me to sort it out.

_(My room) _The thought struck me like a lightning from the blue sky. Turning my feet in the right direction, I hastened my pace. I could spare my self-pity for later. I reached my room, swung the door open and burst inside, slamming it shut behind me.

The room was dark and silent, but as soon as I drew my first breath, I knew it.

"John?"

A movement somewhere inside the darkness. I heard the sound of light breathing, and then I heard a lighter flick. A small flame appeared, partly revealing Pyro, sitting on his spot of the floor. The same spot I'd seen him sit on various times before, playing with that lighter. It felt so much like looking into a memory I almost wondered if any of this were real at all. The flame grew to a small fireball, and jumped from the Zippo to his palm.

"I thought you'd left." I said, trying to sound nonchalant, as if it didn't bother me. I went over to the bed, and leaned against the bedpost.

A threatening silence grew between us. I realized that if he chose not to answer now, if he let the silence grow even further, it would become permanent. If you hold certain things inside you too long, they become a part of you; the silence becomes your only friend. _(Please John, please say something) _If he chose not to speak, then it would be to late for him. He would seal his own fate, without even realizing it was his own grave he was digging.

Then again, he surprised me.

"I was going to," he began. He flushed and looked like he didn't know how to continue. "But then I just, couldn't leave."

I could have sworn I detected a small shudder in his voice. Though he was here now, he was still cut off from my conscious. I couldn't reach out to him; I had no idea of what he was thinking. For the first time, it scared me. It must be _he_ who shut me out, intentionally.

I loathed the fear; it was the one thing I would not surrender to, the one thing I would not let myself be controlled by. So instead, I became angry.

"Why did you do it?!" I spoke a bit louder than I'd first intended. I felt the heat rise within me, encouraging me, giving fuel to my frightened anger.

"He doesn't deserve you," Pyro said, looking away from me. For the first time ever, I could actually detect vulnerability in him.

"What?!" I yelled, totally lost. This conversation had begun to make no sense at all to me.

"He wouldn't make you happy Rose." He said, pressingly.

"Stop this, all right! What do you mean?!" I furiously slammed my fist against the bedpost. His gaze settled out the window, somewhere far away, as he quietly replied:

"Do you want him?"

Suddenly, it was clear to me what he was implying. When he said 'want', he meant it in the term 'love'. I smiled, it was just like him to say one thing and mean another.

"Answer me Rose," now he sounded angry again. "Are you in love with him?" I laughed.

"Why do you believe such, and would it matter, John? Wouldn't that be my choice to make?" I could smell his distress and aggravation in the air. His scent was so intense, so real it almost made me dizzy. His aura, his whole presence was so overwhelming. He lit the air around him, burned it with his stoic presence. He stood to his feet, the crossfire visible within his wild haunted gaze grew higher, more furious than ever.

"I see the way you look at him Rose." He said, with a tone as sharp as a needle. His lips curled in an insane smile, the grin of a wolf driven by bloodlust, ready to strike.

"You never look at me like that," he growled through gritted teeth, and suddenly I could see him so clearly. It was as if I'd never seen him before. Pyro and John had melted together, creating a beast in a cage, a beast that wanted out. The madness reflecting throughout his gaze was so indisputable, so intoxicating.

In that one, burning moment, he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I gasped, totally breath taken.

"John…" My voice shuddered; every inch of me was shaking.

"What?!" He growled, gripping my shoulders so tightly it hurt.

"I'm looking at you that way right now." I raised my hand and stroke my fingers across his cheek…


	13. No more lies

**Disclaimer: Still don't own any Marvel character…**

_**I am Death**_

_Chapter 13: No more lies_

_-----_

His eyes… Oh God, those eyes. His burning brown orbs pierced me, the intensity was almost too much. I felt like dying, like every inch of me was dissolving, and I wanted to turn away, tear myself apart from him and his controlled madness, but I couldn't. The smile he wore as I pressed against his chest in this crushing embrace seemed happy and tormented at the same time. Was he burning too, from the inside? His hands were like claws, pressing against my back, capturing and forcing me to look him in the eye. The one I'd seen only a minute ago was gone again, and the one I saw staring back at me through those eyes frightened me.

_Control your powers, or be controlled by them.._

Then I saw him, his arrogance foolishness was suddenly overwhelming. He'd won, that's what he was all about right now, now meaning during the time that Pyro once again had the upper hand. He'd won the race, beaten his components and received the grand prize. Or at least, that's what he thought.

In an act of sudden rage, the power from within took over me and exploded out into the room, blasting him away from me. Damned be Pyro and his selfishness! My rage pinned him against the opposite wall, the already violated furniture in my room began sliding outwards, away from me. The tall mirror hanging on the wall fell to the floor and scattered into a thousand pieces, the curtains whirled like they'd been caught in a tornado, and suddenly the windows broke and the shatters flew outwards, slightly resembling a million stars caught in the sunlight. The floor beneath my feet began to tremble, then shake as if could barely withstand the pressure. Cracking sounds were coming from the surrounding walls and now the whole world seemed to be shaking.

_More!_

I smiled, why not? Why fight it any longer, the urge wouldn't fade even if I did prevail this time. It would linger inside me, haunt me until I gave in.

A whirling circle of light appeared before me, expanding for every second. Suddenly I was afraid, I didn't know what was happening. Then the light inside the shining circle faded a bit, and I found myself gazing into something. And then I knew what this devilry was. I had somehow managed to open a portal, but where? It was hard to tell, since it wasn't ready yet, still expanding, the inside of the circle was clouded. And then it stopped, the mist inside dissolved and I stared straight into… Darkness, complete darkness, a hole into the netherworld where the air was thicker than fog. A darkened place, the cursed and most feared place amongst those of the netherworld. Yes, I could hear it now, dragging towards the escape exit. The sound of dead meat against black stone, heavy breaths. Then I realized, it wasn't breathing, it was sniffing the air, searching for my scent. It was the thing that had been hunting me since I came here, a being that belonged in here, a being that should not by any means necessary be let loose in this world.

I had to close it, and quick.

Turning the force to the portal, I murmured, "Be gone from here." The portal shrank; the light emerging from the circle subsided. I felt the power drain from me, but I knew I had enough to close the portal, the gate that never should have opened. In that moment, it didn't matter to me if I ran out of energy. I thought only of this place, this world, so full of mystery and wild beauty, a place that I'd come to admire and even love. Then I thought of the students living here, cast out and resented by so many, they'd all found refugee here. Though this place had so long to go before it completely filled it's purpose, it was still a sanctuary to everyone who sought protection. I wanted; no I _Had _to protect it from the evil I brought inside these walls the day I entered.

Focusing every inch of my consciousness, I closed the gate, and the light faded.

Dizzy from the loss of energy, I made my way to the wall where Pyro sat motionless. A sudden fear struck me: "_Have I hurt him?"_ Kneeling at his side, I turned his face upwards, and found him looking back at me.

"What was that?" His voice trembled and his brown eyes were round with fear.

I had decided to tell him the truth, or at least parts of it, but as I opened my mouth all the words got stuck in my throat. I never imagined it to be so hard. I wanted to tell him, I felt like I owed him that much, but saying it aloud would somehow make it real. I guess that some part of me had resented the thought of my own existence, pushed it away hoping it would turn out to be a bad dream. Now I realized however, that it wouldn't. It wouldn't go away.

"I- I haven't been honest with you John." I said in a weak voice, and suddenly I felt old. Old and tired, burdened with too much to live with, but not enough to die for. Then I put my arms around him and pulled him close to me. A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek, and I whispered into his ear:

"I'm sorry." He locked his arms around me and he held me tight. Not like before, this time he held me like I was very precious and fragile.

"For what?"

"Everything…" I sobbed into his ear.

I could hear rushed footsteps outside my closed door, and then someone banged violently at it. Muffled voices reflected over why it didn't open, or even budge, and I realized I had shut it. To keep them out of harm's way maybe, or to shut them out, just a while longer.

"I am not who you think, whom I've led you to believe I am." John flushed, trying to make sense out of my words.

"Then who are you?"

Trembling, I dug my face into his neck, trying to find the strength to carry on.

"I cannot tell you that yet." He settled with that answer, for now.

"What just happened, 'cause it did happen, right?" He asked. I hummed confirming and wondered how I could explain it to him without revealing what I am.

"What was it?"

"A portal"

"To where?"

"The netherworld" He flinched, and I could tell that he wondered if I'd gone mad from the energy loss, rambling on about fairytales and make-believe. I bitterly wished he'd been right.

"And what is that?"

"It is where you go after you die."

Now he was scared, his body tensed. This boy who loved the fire inside him, who loved to use it, to challenge and wrestle with it, was still afraid of death. Afraid of me. And again I was reminded of the fact that I had come for him, that his time grew shorter every second.

"How can you know all this?"

I slightly pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. His face was stale and he looked much older that I remembered him. But he was John, all John this time. I stroke his cheek, and then I placed a soft kiss upon his mouth

"Soon you'll know…"

-----


	14. If time was all I had

**Disclaimer: I Still Do Not Own Any of the Marvel Comics characters.**

If time was all I had...

We sat quiet. I felt like I needed to say something, anything to break this horrible silence, but I was all out of words. There was just nothing more to say right now. John's warmth enclosed me like a cocoon and his familiar scent tickled my nostrils. My thoughts were spinning round, going wild inside my mind. I missed the calm, missed the feeling of peace of mind. Far away, or at least what seemed far away, I heard voices rabble. There seemed to be some kind of disturbance over there. At the closer thought of it, I remembered that I was probably the cause of this disturbance.

Why weren't they here yet? I couldn't find the feeling inside me, this feeling that usually told me if I was using the Force. Was i shutting them out? I didn't think so, but what if I was wrong?

"John?" I whispered. My throat was dry and soar, and I felt like crying. He shifted a bit.

"Mm, what?" He sounded pleased. His heartbeats were slow and firm. He'd been this way ever since I'd kissed him. For the first time since I met him, he was completely calm and relaxed. That tense, unbalanced young man I'd met not so long ago had changed. He was happy, and it worried me somehow.

"What will happen now?"

I can't stay here, I do not belong here.

"I dunno, what about it?"

I didn't answer, didn't know what to say. His soft, warm breath tickled my neck. I felt I should pull away but it felt so… good. I felt comfortable.

Then it touched me, the insight of how short his lifeline was becoming. The warmth in his body would disappear, become cold, and the life in his hazel eyes would die out. This boy, this person I held in my arms was going to die. I couldn't stay, but the moment I had to leave he would die, and in that very moment the thought touched my mind, it hurt, it hurt so badly.

"John…" I said pressingly. He made a small humming noise so I presumed I had his attention.

"I have to go, I have to see the professor." He grunted and I gripped his shoulder, shaking it slightly to wake him up, to get through to him. "John, I have to go!" I tore myself loose from him and got up. My legs were trembling, knees shaking. There were times when a thing like this would have left me unaffected, but I didn't know as much then as I knew now, I hadn't really felt anything before either. I believe I had begun to understand a bit more about what this mysterious 'life' is now, though I wasn't entirely sure yet.

As fast as I could on my shaky legs, I walked to the door. The people outside had stopped banging on it and stood now silent, listening outside. I prepared for the questions, prepared myself for how I would ignore them. It was the professor I had to talk to, only he could help me. I heard Pyro shift behind me. With one hand on the doorknob, I turned around. The look in his eyes, the questioning expression, I saw insecurity. He didn't know what I was doing, and therefore he didn't know how to handle it. No matter how hard I tried to find courage somewhere within his eyes, I didn't. There was no brave hero sitting there, and there never had been. I saw a boy who didn't know courage, who'd grown up believing that there was no such thing as heroes. There was no story about child abuse, neglecting or bullying, there was a boy who'd grown up alone. Something had been missing, absent, and it was too late to fix it. But maybe it didn't need to be fixed, maybe all he needed was another chance.

"Rose…" he said. "You really turn everything upside-down, literally."

It brought a smile to my lips.


	15. Live to find the answers

**I am Death**

_Chapter 15_

_Final chapter: Live to find the answers

* * *

_No matter what my intentions had been when I left the room, no matter what I told the people waiting outside, I was not going to see professor Charles Xavier. Telling myself that he would be able to save me would be the ultimate disappointment, since there was no one walking in this life that could. How I knew that? Well, simply by judging the fact that I was never meant for this life either; there is no life to save. 

When I first came here I hoped to find understanding, a simple answer to the question of what life is. Before this journey all my questions, all my goals have been simple. I was a guide for those who have passed; my purpose was to escort, not to question. Somehow now I missed that simple existence, because I knew now that if I went back, I would not wonder anymore, I would merely miss what I left behind. And John, like a wanderer lost of his path he would strive to accomplish the wrong things, just like he always had. How could I end his life now knowing that I, who was never supposed to live, yet knew much more about life that he did?

I have never loved anything, simply because I have never had a reason to love, never had a reason to feel, existence was simple. In so many ways, love is a cliché, the pink fluff and the red hearts wrapped in silk. Now I had made my own definition of love; it is when the thought of living without that person seems to tear you apart, it's when the thought of that person being harmed is choking you. Love is when an existence without this presence in your life makes everything seem pointless. And now I was thinking of John and my heart was whimpering, bleeding. I could not take his life away before he had understood this; that love was the right way to go, love for life, for things around you, for your friends, anything else than the twisted love he had with the fire that consumed him. But he needed to live to understand that, and I was supposed to take one life before leaving here.

I stumbled through hallways, away from the place I had tome to think of as home. I went out through the main entrance and into the school grounds. Without really knowing why I headed for the fountain where we had first met. I felt tired as I sat down on the bench beside the stone fountain. It was soothing to hear the sound of falling water; there was a calm here that was never penetrated by the cruel harshness of the outer world. I closed my eyes and thought back on the one I was when I first came here. I was simple, bland and stupid. It's funny how old you can be and still know nothing about anything that is not attached to your existence. I heard footsteps in the distant and thought that it was just another person passing by.

"Rose…" His voice was soft; unlike anything I had ever heard him say. At first I didn't even recognize whose voice it was. There was no trace of the thorns he wore as a shelter when we first met. I opened my eyes and looked up into his gentle, hazel orbs.

"I knew you weren't going to the professor, though the others seemed to believe you when you said it." His eyes were searching, his expression told of mixed emotions. "They were asking me what happened," he continued. "I told them that I didn't know, but that the professor could help you." He sat down beside me, folded his hands in his lap and his gaze turned to the gravel by our feet.

"But he can't, can he?" He sounded hurt and angry. "I don't know what happened in there, but I have a feeling that no one can help you."

We sat quiet. I let my silence answer for me; there was no help to get, I am what I am. A simple wish to change cannot alter you purpose in the existence. You know the song where the girl sings "What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us; just a stranger on a bus, trying to make his way home." Well God isn't one of us, and if he were then he wouldn't be God.

"Do you believe in death, John?"

"No," he answered, and then he looked at me in such a strange way. Was it understanding; answers I saw in his eyes?

"Good, death is just a word like all the other ones. What you call death is just a short journey before you face something else."

"Something else?" now he sounded confused, questioning. Something else sounded huge, magnificent.

"Yes, something else. I don't know what it is, but do you know what I like to believe?" His eyes met mine, and he nodded. "I want to believe that after the journey you get the chance to forgive. No one is born wrong, there is no evil and good, when you're born you just _are. _It is after that you become, depending on the influence of other people, and perhaps God." I looked at him very intensely, trying to pierce him with my eyes, silently trying to make him understand that this part was very important. "And then you are given the chance to forgive people for hurting you, forgive God for letting you down."

I fell silent, trying to suppress the tears. It was not tears of grief, nor tears of joy, it was emotion. I felt touched; breath taken, and I wished that one day I would get the chance to forgive, to let go of the past.

"Don't you think that must feel like heaven?" I sat still for a few moments, letting my words sink in. Then I got up on my feet and began walking away, heading towards the forest.

"Where are you going?" he called after me. I stopped but didn't turn around. I didn't want him to see the lie in my face.

"I have some things I must do."

"But you'll come back when you're done, right?" He sounded hopeful. I smiled, didn't want to, but I couldn't help it.

"I promise."

Then I left him and walked away. When the green lush of the forest had enclosed me, I let the tears pour freely. I knew that somewhere inside of him, he knew that I was lying. I would not come back, and as cliché as it might seem, it hurt inside knowing that the last thing I'd ever told him was a lie. I came here hoping that he would teach me what the secret of life was; and he did. In every aspect possible, he taught me what it was like to live.

-----

I saw the lake approaching, but felt no fear or regret. The biggest cliché ever is when the lover sacrifices his or her life so that the other one can live. It might seem as the ultimate sacrifice, and I guess that it kind of is. Life is marvellous, something that only happens once, but there is something after death. One day John would walk alongside of me on the path between life and whatever lies after that, but I needed him to live first. He needed to understand, find the answers he gave me, and realise that they are true for him too. And I would leave now, but I believe that somewhere along the road I have sown a grain inside of him, a seed that will develop into understanding, and then he'll be ready to go.

One life was supposed to end before I was done here, so why not mine? Death seemed to be happening without me, but what about those who waited for whatever lies after? Surely they were waiting for me. I would not go the same way those who dwell in the netherworld did, I would forgive God for depraving me of life, and now I would move on. Duty was calling.

The water was cold against my skin as I walked out into the lake. I was not sacrificing my life for love, I was returning to where I came from. Death brought no fear to my heart, not anymore.

Forget me John Allerdyce, but remember the things I have told you along the path. Take that newfound knowledge and base all your decisions on it. Chose the path of forgiveness rather than vengeance and fire, change your destiny. And whenever you have doubts, remember that you loved once and remember the courage it brought you.

Learn to love life as you loved death.


End file.
